Day 270: “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”

Hi.  You know it is only November 4th, but I already have a striking resemblance to Nacho Libre as far as the mustache growing is concerned…..good or bad?  You bet!

jaws

I’d just like to say that I feel like this is one of the most underrated movies of all time, but I feel like I am in the extreme minority on this one.  It is just something about the way Jack Black acts in the movie that makes me laugh so hard everytime I see it.  “GET THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE!!!”

Anyway, we are over a week into the NBA season, and I don’t feel like I have really talked about the Cleveland Cavaliers that much.  Go figure, they are the best team in Cleveland, and the only team with any sliver of hope of doing anything in the very near future.  But last night I watched them play the Washington Wizards and it was a pretty good game considering the Cavs came back from almost a 20 point deficit to go on and win convincingly.  I made a few observations that I’d like to share with everyone.

#1.  Mike Miller of the Washington Wizards looks just like Taylor Swift.

jaws

Can you spot the professional basketball player in this picture? Because I can't!

#2.  Shaq is awesome!

jaws

Shaq-Fu

I know he is on the backside of his career, but either way he is a major force to be dealt with inside.  Last night he played really well, but one of the stats you don’t see in the paper is how he got all of Washington’s big men in foul trouble which helps out a lot against a team like Washington, considering Brendan Haywood usually gives us a hard time.  He also decapitated Deshawn Stevenson and his stupid tattoos on one play which was awesome.  The NBA referees are the worst in any professional sport if you ask me, and they don’t really call the game fair.  Take for instance, last night, this was called a foul on Shaq…..

jaws

Owned

….yet I have to watch him get hacked and shoved every time he touches the ball with no whistle.  I understand that the NBA probably tries to keep things balanced (which is totally wrong) but I hate having to hear about all of the scrutiny major league baseball umpires have been under lately when I can watch any single NBA game and see the absolutely horrific job they do.  Oh well….seeing Deshawn Stevenson get tossed when he came down the lane made my night.  He can go fist himself.

#3.  Daniel Gibson can be a great shooter as was apparent last night, but if I see him miss another technical foul free throw, I am going to shave a giant weiner in the side of his head.  He doesn’t need to shoot those because he is a 3 point shooter!

jaws

"Ok Boobie you are almost done....just let me touch up the pubes I put on the testicles..."

#4.  This Cavs team is starting to remind me of the Indians teams from the 90′s.  Both were very strong teams who haven’t been able to win a championship yet.  Both teams signed some big time free agents to win the big one.  The Indians were outmatched pitching wise against the Braves in 1995, just like the Cavs were completely overwhelmed with the Spurs in 2007.  Mike Hargrove and Mike Brown are practically the same person, and if it wasn’t for their skin color they would be one in the same.  1997 was heartbraking for Tribe fans, and the Cavs have yet to make it to a second finals appearance, but I could totally picture the Cavs tied up with the Lakers 101-101 in game 7 of the NBA finals with 3.8 seconds left.  The Lakers just get called for a defensive 3 seconds, and Boobie goes to the line to shoot the free throw and completely misses the hoop.  Kobe steals the inbounds pass, and launches up and drills a half court shot to crush the team and the city’s soul.  Boobie could be our next Jose Mesa!  Oh man this is like that book turned movie The DaVinci Code…..the clues are everywhere!!!

#5.  Nobody knows what Lebron is going to do after this season, but I just have the feeling that he is gone.  He just seems like the kind of person who is always looking for more, which isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes that person who is always looking for more ends up realizing what they had was great.  Watching him laugh and clown around on the bench is fun, and I feel like he definitely does it to get attention, but I think he wants to go to a bigger market team so MORE people can watch him do that, which is stupid.  I think he needs to realize that he is with a team that will do whatever they can in their power to give him the best chance to win a title, and that is really good!  But I don’t know if he realizes how special his situation with Cleveland is.  I guess time will tell though.  This Friday the Cavs are in New York which always makes me wanna puke.  I can’t wait to see what kind of shoe Lebron unveils this time.  Maybe his new “Rat Shoe” for all of the cat sized rodents they have in the city!  How I don’t have a job at Nike is beyond me.

jaws

They only made 10,000 pairs, so they cost $250 bucks.

Then after the game he and Jay-Z can get to second base with each other on the court like they always do, and then they can go rap about hot dog vendors or something.  THAT Lebron James pisses me off.

Alright well I gotta get going.  I hope you all have a good day.  It’s haiku time.

Shaq gets screwed a lot,
Mike Miller is Taylor Swift?
Rat shoes are SO cool!

I’m out, One Love!

SELAH

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