Day 151: …and boom goes the dynamite!

Well I had another one of my Leslie Nielsen dreams last night, the second one since I have been laid off, which to me, seems like two Leslie Nielsen dreams too many.  This time, Leslie and I were two cowboys that teamed up to rob a number of banks in the Wild West.  The first dream I had was a couple of months ago in which Leslie and I were two crew members on a boat looking for a talking shark.  It was kind of like Jaws, but the complete opposite.  The shark sounded like Ringo Star and talked all proper which I remember being really annoying. These dreams are really weird because in both, I don’t say one word the entire time, and Mr. Nielsen is always dressed in a comical manner.  Maybe that is because he is a comical person…but all I know is that he looked like one of the Three Amigos in my dream last night.  Three Amigo or not, he was still a bad ass and such a smooth talker.  I love dreams!

"WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT B-MOC!!!"

"WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT B-MOC!!!"

So I figured since this blog is still in its infant stage, I would explain to everyone a few of the things I have been up to since I got laid off 151 days ago.  The two major things I want to touch ontoday are my beard, and moving back home after living on my own for a year.

THE BEARD

The day I was laid off I swore that I would not shave or get a haircut until I had a face to face interview with an actual human being.  I didn’t think it would last long considering I had a phone interview with another local company literally 2 hours after being laid off.  Well I didn’t get that job because the company “wanted to play it safe” as far as what the economy was going to do, and needless to say, 5 months later I look like a homeless person who gets picked on by other homeless people, and one night those other homeless people decided to shave their pubes and glue it to my face.   My hair is very long and starting to get very curly, just like when I was a little boy.  My beard is out of control and starting to turn a very bright red, which makes me upset because everyone knows red head’s (or “ginger’s” as they will now be referred to on this blog) do not have souls, and that ain’t me.

The reaction I have gotten from people has varied all the way from “that beard is like watching a sunset it is so beautiful!” to “AHHHHHH SHAVE IT!!!”  I will admit that I too have mixed reactions about the beard, but it not only  serves as motivation for finding a new job, it is also a reminder of everything that I have been through in the last several months.

I have occasionally trimmed my beard/mustache for special circumstances and so my elderly family members don’t forget who I am, but as I mentioned before, there are times where I love this patch of beautiful hair on my face, and times when I want to burn it off because shaving would take too long.  It really is a two way street, haha.

The one thing that I absolutely love about my beard and my long hair is that I think it acts as a reminder for everyone of my friends and family, and everyone that is close to me how hard it is in today’s times.  I have literally applied for dozens of jobs since February, and have maybe only gotten to speak to a human being no more than 4 times.  Every company uses generic online applications and and automated questionnaires when looking for new employees.  I cannot stand how in today’s world, everything is automated to make things easier and hearing an actual voice is near impossible.  However, c’est la vie!  Every day is harder than the last with all of the grim news still coming out, and the last several months have been very difficult.  However, I will stay positive, and hopefully this blog will act as a way for me to do just that.  So until either the internet disappears or I get to have a professional interview…….VIVA LA FACIAL HAIR!!!!

For some reason, Aunt Dot didn't remember who I was....

For some reason, Aunt Dot didn't remember who I was....

MOVING BACK HOME

So…in June of 2008, a good friend of mine and I decided to move out of our parent’s houses and move into a house in Cleveland.  We found a decent, 3 bedroom house with a small yard, a washer and dryer, and cheap rent.  The commute to my place of employment was shorter, and I would have the biggest room, along with a 52 inch HDTV in the living room.  It seemed like it was going to be a great time living on my own, but more importantly, it seemed like it would be the last time I would ever stay with my parents again.  Well I was wrong.  The economy went all Keyser Soze on everyone starting in September.  My company made the first round of lay-offs shortly after in the middle of October.  Luckily I had made it past those, but the writing was pretty much on the wall at that point and then I, along with 25% of my co-workers were laid off in February.  I immediately started crunching the numbers, and I knew I would have enough money until my lease ran out in June of 2009, but with my unemployment benefits alone, I would not be able to continue living on my own.  That’s where my wonderful parents came in and allowed me to move back home!

Did I say parents?  I meant my roommates!

Did I say parents? I meant my roommates!

I didn’t really think that I would have to move back home so soon, but I swallowed my pride and moved back into my parents house in June of 2009.  They have been very cool and very supportive, and they understand how things are going from a global point of view…..my 15 year old sister was not so compassionate.

I forgot to mention that my sister immediately moved into my room right after I moved out in 2008.  Considering the massive amount of crap that she has, it was not sensible to try and move back into that same room, so I had to move my stuff into her old room.  The only problem was that her wallpaper had not changed since she was an infant…

I find the wallpaper really matches my personality and opens up the room nicely...

I find the wallpaper really matches my personality and opens up the room nicely...

So every night…I lay my itchy face onto my pillow, and stare at the f-ing Bearenstein Bears and hearts on my wall, and I say to myself….”Please God, don’t let me have another Leslie Nielsen dream tonight….”

Sorry, that was a really long post……that’s what she said.

SELAH

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Day 151: …and boom goes the dynamite!

  1. Tuley

    Just to add to the part about Hubs working hard to find a job. I can verify that this is true. I have personally had text message conversations with him about co-hosting a morning talk show. I feel that it would be a lot like seinfeld – a show about nothing. However, we would be experts on everything. We’d talk sports, politics, and celebrities, but we’d also give medical advice and discuss the state of black america. We’d relay messages from Dr. Drew Pinsky and the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, and claim their messages as our own.
    The other business venture I’ve discussed with The Employee of the Month revolves around opening a strip club, preferably in an area that a strip club has no business being in, like next door to a Chuck E. Cheese or, well, that’s the only place i can think of where a strip club does not belong. We have discussed which of our former high school classmates would fit the bill of stripper errrrrrrrr “entertainer (i.e. Jenalyn Costo).

  2. hubsub54

    I think a strip club next door to a church, and also next door to a retirement home would also be great business ventures.

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