Day 164: TUESDAY’S WITH TULEY!!!!!

Tuesday’s with Tuley,
read it or you’re a fooley
porkchop sandwiches

Tuesdays with Tuley!

Tuesdays with Tuley!

Well today is everyone’s lucky day, as for the first time ever on the Employee of the Month blog, I will be turning the things over to a good friend of mine, Tuley.  Every Tuesday, I will hand the reins over to Tuley and let him talk about whatever he wants, but today I thought we could all get to know a little more about the man.  Let’s see what he had to say!!!

Hello Tuley, how are you doing today?

I am great, thanks for asking.

So Tuley, can you explain to everyone a little bit about yourself?

I’m a white kid from Central Berea. I have a job.

Are you ticklish, and if yes, where exactly?

Good Question. I am very ticklish, in fact – mainly on my ribcage and torso area. If you were to tickle me for, say, 40 minutes or so, I’d eventually turn blue and begin to struggle for air. Eventually I’d die tragically. The headline in the paper would read, “Bryan tickles Ryan to death.”

This guy knows where Tuley is ticklish at.

This guy knows where Tuley is ticklish at.

Well we wouldn’t want to read that in the papers now would we?  Next question, if there was a way to eliminate the body’s need to urinate…..would you go for it?

Depends. ((haha get it??))

Nice answer!  I always love a good diaper joke…..huggies.  Do you believe since Americans throw rice at weddings, Asians throw hamburgers?  Or is that just an urban legend?

Did you say Asian? I have some beef with the Asian race right now. I was reading Sports Illustrated last week and there was a story about the new “Pizza Eating World Champion.” Dude was Asian. Is it just me or should this competition only be limited to just Americans and Italians? I mean, you won’t see me entering an egg roll eating competition anytime soon, you know?!

Touche…..Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?

Not since I was 22 and i saw my dad hiding my easter basket. That really crushed me emotionally.

Mr. Tuley dressed like this would make anyone scarred for life.

Mr. Tuley dressed like this would make anyone scarred for life.

Wow, that is really a terrible way to find that out, I am sorry it went down like that man.  Anyway, what do you think that chickens think humans taste like?

Well, have you ever had human? It’s terrible. If I were a chicken, I’d rather eat chicken. I’d fuck with people and stand in line at Chick Fil-A and shit.

I had human a long time ago in the early 90’s so I don’t really remember the taste.  If you could be any professional athlete for one week, who would it be and why?

John Rocker, hands down. This guy has bigger balls than all of us. Not because I’ve seen them, but because he says the shit that everybody else thinks but nobody ever says. If he no longer counts as a professional athlete, then I guess I’d go with Shawn Johnson. I have this fascination with being able to do a cartwheel. What better way to express your excitement for something than by doing a cartwheel? No matter what you say, I could trump it with a cartwheel. Honestly B-MOC, I just feel like I’d be a better person if I could do cartwheels consistently. And if I were Shawn Johnson, I could do that.

I believe that when you think of the greatest feats in sports, doing a cartwheel is right up there with pitching a perfect game, or sinking an 80 foot putt to win the Masters.  Good answers Tuley.  In 1999, Yugoslavia’s province of Kosovo erupted into violence.  A U.S.-led NATO force intervened with air strikes after Slobodan Milosevic‘s Serbian forces uprooted the population and embarked on the ethnic cleansing of Kosovo’s ethnic Albanian population.  How did that make you feel?

That never happened.

Agreed, moving right along then. Would I be able to borrow $20?

I’d rather burn a $20 bill in front of you than lend it to you.

If you were in the band Bone Thugs n Harmony, which member would you be and why?

Probably Bizzy Bone cause of the way I flow when I free-style. I’m like, “This blog is NOT WACK / people beg for it like kev hrubey does with a HOT SACK/ it’s so fresh like Bel-Aire but those who don’t read are like parents – THEY JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! / if you wanna brighten your DAY, bookmark this PAGE even if your GAY, STRAIGHT, or go both WAYS! / personally i like women like im a female TYCOON, like Steve McNair likes…..oh wait…..it’s just too SOON! / I’m the great white HYPE and scottish chicks follow me everywhere they wanna play my BAGPIPE! / tuesdays with Tuley is takin the blogasphere by STORM its a new world REFORM takin over like megan foxx im gonna TRANSFORM the internet until others realize im not the NORM and watch as they begin to copy my FORM they’ll be so caught up like they’re trapped in a SANDSTORM! / word to yo motha.

>>speechless<<

I can only imagine that those lyrics you just dropped on the world will be 100 times more beautiful than the birth of my first child.  Thank you for changing my life Tuley.

His lyrics are bottomless......

His lyrics are bottomless......

Do you prefer dogs or cats, and why?

I’m a big animal lover in general (no homo). I’ve grown up with cats my whole life and really enjoy them because they can basically take care of themselves. I’m also amazed by some of the athleticism they possess. For instance, Mitchell the Cat, my house cat, has jumped over me before and regularly climbs halfway up a tree in the backyard in about six seconds flat. However they say dogs are a mans best friend and I’m a big fan of friends. I’m actually trying to obtain a few. Bryan, do you wanna go to the movies this weekend?

Tuley, we discussed that our relationship is going to be strictly professional now, so I will go to the movies this weekend, but it will not be with you.  NEXT.  On a scale from 1 to 10, how awesome is this blog?

This blog is AWESOME especially for those who are LONESOME / its like……….ok i’ll stop. I like your blog Bryan. Especially on Tuesdays. with Tuley. It’s a 10.

I appreciate that…..do you like to party?

You know I like to get down. I like to party a lot. I usually try to keep it cool tho, you know. I was arressted one time when I partied too much and Harrell had to bail me out. I mean, when Harrell is bailing YOU out of jail, you know you need to tone it down a level or two. But yeah I like to get wild with good friends. I do have some battle scars though, like when a doctor had to use 9 staples to close my head back up after it split into two at the Clevelander. I also have a scar on my chin from Lil Wayne (indirectly). You know what the worst thing about partying is though? Two things: First, the person who is walking around with a garbage bag at 2am picking up all the empty cans – nobody likes that guy. Second, like Michael Scott said, “It’s like when the freshman would have a party and not allow the seniors to come.” That does suck.

"My name is Tuley, and I like to party!"

"My name is Tuley, and I like to party!"

I just want to poke that thing

I just want to poke that thing

Agreed and agreed.  If someone were to turn on your ipod right this second, what song would be playing, and please say it’s “She Drives Me Crazy” by Fine Young Cannibals.

Well that’s a given Bryan. I cannot count the times that you and I have been riding in a car while Fine Young Cannibals was blaring and we were rockin out pretty hard. The next song on my ipod would probably be, well here….we’ll just turn it on real quick!……………….Wait…..what……i mean…..haha c’mon……i don’t listen to………dude whatever man, Billy Ray Cyrus is a beautiful man!

That song “drives me crazy” as they say.  Can we please learn and perform that little two man dance in the video?!?!  I am more of a Miley fan but I hear ya.  Do you remember the name of that song about grandma getting run over by a reindeer?

Never liked it. I’m not a racist like you are.

Nevermind that question….On a scale from 1 to 10, how bad to you hate “Flo” from the Progressive Insurance commercials.  (Feel free to provide any specific examples as to why you chose what you did.)

Well I’m torn here because my good friend B. Wayner used to date Flo. I mean i can’t stand the bitch, but you know, I can’t say that. Wayner tells me she used to give the best hand J’s but I’m not a big fan of those either. First off, the chick looks like the tazmanian devil with that bright ass lipstick. Her laugh makes me wanna set Wayner on fire and roast marshmallows from the flames.

"I'M STUPID!!! YAAYYY!!!"

"I'M STUPID!!! YAAYYY!!!"

I couldn’t have put it better myself.  Not only did Progressive take the name Jacobs Field away, but then they go and drop the Flo bomb on us?!?!?!  Most hated company in the world.  Ok, which do you hate more….losing, or cancer?

Cancer, Bryan. It took both of my grandmothers. Why don’t you try and be a little more sensitive YOU DICK??

Wow man….I am really sorry I did not know that.  The only reason I ask is because you would be surprised at how many people say losing.  Good thing everyone knows now right? Well I guess on that note, the last question I have is, can you leave us with a haiku today?

I was so happy
until the cancer question
my soul has been crushed

RACK IT!!!  THE FIRST OFFICIAL TUESDAY WITH TULEY IS IN THE BOOKS, AND I MUST SAY IT WAS A DANDY!!!  Please feel free to leave comments, or provide topics for future Tuesday with Tuley discussions.  I want to thank Tuley for helping out with the longest post in the short history of the blog, that’s what she said.  I will talk to you all soon.  One Love!!!

SELAH

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Day 164: TUESDAY’S WITH TULEY!!!!!

  1. I love the Bone Thugs n Harmony picture because it looks very real….except for the fact that Tuley has no legs. Hahaha

  2. Jon

    First off, big fan of the blog. I would like to know what both Mr. Hubler and Mr. Tuley felt on the following topics.

    1. How Dolan expects me to spend my hard earned cash on such a horrible team.

    2. And the late Bob Ross’s uncanny ability to paint a picturesque landscape scene in less than 30 min.

    3. What children would think of Hubler’s facial hair if he was a substitute teacher like I am and walked into his old school Riveredge Elementary.

  3. Well I guess I’ll take the first stab at those questions if Tuley doesn’t mind….

    #1. Dolan does not expect you to spend your money on such a horrible team, so don’t do it. I am so pissed at the entire organization right now.

    #2. Bob Ross was able to paint such beautiful masterpieces in less than 30 minutes because everything was so “happy”. When things are happy, they are easier to work with, says the man with no job.

    #3. If I were going to be a substitute teacher, it would have to be for gym class, seeing as every little kid who sees me with the facial hair sprints away. I could get those rug rats running 4 minute miles in no time.

  4. B-ROC

    I couldn’t agree more on how much I want to strangle that ugly bitch from the Progressive commercials. I want to squeeze my arms around her neck until her face turns blue, her lipstick melts off, and then she finally stops kicking and vanishes into thin air like the witch a la Wizard of Oz. It ‘drives me crazy’, as they say, when I see that heartless bitch on my digital box that provides colors and sounds. Well on a lighter note, ruv the brog, (Asian tone, i ruv eggrorrs), can’t wait for more of this silly shit

  5. Mom

    Is that really Tulley’s head or a picture of your head when you fell on the ice at the Q?

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