Shortly after betraying my loyal facial hair yesterday, news broke that Gidget, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, passed away from a stroke at the age of 15. WHY GOD?!?!?! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!? You really should take a look at the Yahoo! article I have linked above…it’s really well written and absolutely pathetic. I think it was somewhere between Gidget and Paris Hilton getting boned on tape where society fell in love with idolizing their pets in the most ridiculous way possible. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my pets very much and it’s very hard when you lose one. But I should NEVER, EVER read a line in an article about a chihuahua that says “Gidget traveled first-class, opened up the New York Stock Exchange and made an appearance at Madison Square Garden.” She opened up the f-ing New York Stock Exhange?!?!?! How?!?!?! By dry humping the bell??? Did she crap all over the floor of the stock exchange?!?!?! Is Gidget the reason the economy is dog shit right now (hahaha)?!?!?! The article goes on to say that…”Gidget also enjoyed sniffing assholes and biting her vagina for hours on end….” not really, please don’t sue me Yahoo!. I know to some of you I probably sound like a punk when I say this, but I am absolutely sick and tired of seeing dogs and cats dressed like rahtards and hearing about how Lindsay Lohan is freaking out because her cat Muffins has worms. Honestly, there are pets that live 1000 times better than some humans in this world. Am I crazy?!?!?!?!
I also want to take the time now to introduce a new segment I like to call “The Most Underrated Movie Roles of All Time.” Today, I will discuss the role Donkey Lips played in the movie “Dude Where’s My Car?”
If you don’t recall the movie, Donkey Lips is a member of the ZOLTAN clan who has been intercepting intergalaxy transmissions for years, and is on a journey to discover the continuum transfunctioner. Donkey Lips big scene came when he was abducted by Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott for his bubble wrap suit so they could fit in with the other ZOLTAN members. Donkey Lips, today I salute you, and your shorts (I had to!!!). Just when everyone in Hollywood thought bubble wrap suits could never be done, you rocked it! And you rocked it good my friend!!! I pay tribute to you today with this awesome highlight video I found of you on YouTube. Awful waffle my friend……..awful waffle!