Well as promised earlier, today I am unleashing a new segment titled “Go Fist Yourself!” in which I basically talk down about something/someone that needs to be fisted. As I mentioned in my morning post, we played a softball tournament with a bunch of real douchers on Saturday morning and those guys can all go straight to hell! They can get all of the hits and all of the runs….and I get my blog. All of the following are things that I really saw and heard, just in the matter of 5 or 6 hours at this tournament, I swear to God.
If you ever get legitimately mad at a teammate of yours for “going to a wedding instead of playing softball,” you can go fist yourself!
If you are not allowed to ever have a strike called on you, and if it does happen, you feel the need to walk around the batters box in disgust for 2 minutes, you can go fist yourself!
If you ever buy a car in the same color as your jersey, and then get a vanity plate that says “RBI”, you can go fist yourself!
If you ever wear a catcher’s mask while you play…and you don’t play catcher, you can go fist yourself!
If you feel the need to drink a Red Bull/Monster/any type of energy drink before EVERY game you play, even if you are playing back to back games, you can go fist yourself!
If you have 4 pairs of batting gloves, and you don’t wear batting gloves, you can go fist yourself!
If you get your teams logo tattooed on your forearm, or anywhere on your body for that matter…..you need to have fisted yourself 5 minutes ago.
I really enjoy playing softball, especially with my close friends. But the fact that there are middle aged men who act like children dreaming of still getting a chance to play in game 7 of the world series really ruins the experience for me. I saw a man verbally assault two umpires, and then try and hit one with a ball while leaving the park after he was ejected. Are you f-ing kidding me man??? You need to go by some hulk hands and then go fist yourself buddy. Alright well that is my rant for the day. I really need to find a job, FAST! I am starting to go crazy all over again and it’s not cool. Unemployment can go fist itself, for sure! One Love!