What up??? How is everyone today? Good you say? Great I say! This morning me and my best friend (my sister) had the privilege of going to Browns training camp. I say privilege, but what I really mean is that I am an unemployed A-hole who can go to training camp whenever I want, I just chose to go this morning. It was a good time, and I made some interesting observations that I haven’t heard any of the local news outlets make. Let me share a few!
#1. I have a striking resemblance to the Browns first round pick, offensive linemen, Alex Mack (no not from Nickelodeon).
#2. I believe the media has been pronouncing first year coach Eric Mangini’s name wrong this entire time. I really believe it is pronounce Manginey (rhymes with hiney). I will know refer to him as coach Eric Manginey from here on out.
#3. Brady Quinn is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen in my life. He was as beautiful as a majestic tree…or a high class prostitute, either or.
#4. Shaun Rogers jumped offsides in one drill, so he had to run a lap around the field. 4 minutes and 37 seconds later, he finished that lap. He ran the same way this professional power walker walks, but a lot slower.
#5. Coach Manginey likes to play music at his practices which I thought was really cool. However, his song selection was a bit awkward. Some tracks he played included “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer, “Barbie Girl” by Aqua, “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips, and “My Neck My Back” by Khia. Whatever gets the guys pumped up I guess right Manginey?
The parents weren’t too happy with this selection…
Can I just say that the song “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips is the worst song I have ever heard in my life. Well that’s all I have for this morning. I just found out that I have to buy a new tire for my car which is going to cost $150. That’s cool…and by cool I mean I’m going to tell the guy to go fist himself when I pick my car up. Whatever! One Love!