Hey there! Well it’s all over…I had my polygraph test this morning, and for some reason the only thing I could think about the whole time was the above scene from “Beerfest”. “What do you think about that….head f!@#???” as he chews his glass with a bloody mouth. I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Polygraph tests are like that scene in the Wizard of Oz when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow.” Well let me tell you something Eleanor, you weren’t kidding. I have to admit it was very nerve racking, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I didn’t lie at all, but for some reason I feel kind of down in the dumps this afternoon. I think it is because now I just have to wait a while before I hear anything…or it might be the fact that I just had to pour my heart out to some complete stranger who now probably thinks I am a freak.
My favorite questions were “have you ever had thoughts about dressing up like a women and walking around in public?”, “have you ever been hit on by a homosexual?”, and “do these pants make my ass look good?” as the guy stood up, pulled his pants tight around his ass, and looked back over his shoulder at me. Of course the answer to all 3 was “absolutely”….HAHAHA I’m just kidding, but it would have been funny to see his reaction. The first two questions were actually asked, the last one I made up, in case you were wondering.
By far the worst part of the test was how they made me close my eyes when I answered the questions. First off, I was nervous just because I had no idea what questions were going to be asked. Second off, it was 7 in the morning and I was tired considering I haven’t been up at 7 in the morning in ages, unless of course it was because I hadn’t gone to bed yet. I think it was a combination of those two things that made me get really dizzy when I had to close my eyes. The guy giving me the test was sitting right next to me, but after about 2 minutes of sitting there with my eyes closed, it sounded like he was getting farther and farther away, and at one point it even sounded like he was in the other room and it was really freaking me out. It freaked me out so much in fact at one point I stood up and screamed “I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!” and ran out of the room. That is another joke, hahaha! I am feeling pretty playful this afternoon, probably because I couldn’t tell a lie this morning.
As usual, I shall keep all of ye faithful blog readers up date with any new information I hear on the job front.
This past weekend I played in a cornhole tournament, dominated it, and won some pocket change. Sometimes its not fair being so awesome at a game like cornhole. I also practically stole $10 from the Big Ginger on the Anderson Silva/Forrest Griffin MMA fight after Griffin got punked and ran out of the ring. I don’t know if I should be blogging about this, because I might have to claim that money with the state of Ohio since I am collecting unemployment. (Update: just ignore everything mentioned above).
That’s all I got for now. Everyone have a pleasant Monday and try to stay cool. In case you haven’t noticed it’s like 150 degrees out and my butt has been sweaty for about 56 straight hours now. I am going for my personal record of 103 hours which I set last week. I am gonna try and go for a run this afternoon….I don’t know why. “Have you ever shaved your pubes, glued them to your face, and pretended you were a lumberjack?” was another question I was asked this morning. HAHAHA I KEED, I KEED! But seriously….have you? One Love!