I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt that I was playing catch with former Browns quarterback Spergon Wynn and…like every other pass he has ever made in his life, he over threw me and the ball rolled pretty far away and stopped near a bush. When I ran to go get it, I saw the most horrible looking troll walk out of the bush. Needless to say I woke up in a cold sweat at 4 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. In the blogging business we call that a “nightmare”.
If you read the blog on a regular basis, you may have caught some hints that I hate television because everything is a reality tv show that bails out some shitty human being/former rock star/rahtard, or is some attempt at diving into the lives of celebrities at all costs. For example, if I have to hear about another season of Rock of Love, or Brooke Hogan knows Breasts, or have to hear about Michael Jackson and his f’ed up family 6 weeks after he dies again, I am going to go bat shit crazy. I do however, have a couple of shows that I watch on a regular basis because they are awesome. These shows are “How I Met Your Mother”, “Lost”, “Man v. Food”, and “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”. I think ‘Sunny In Philadelphia’ is the funniest show on television, and thank God that it is starting again in less than a month. Below is a little clip of the upcoming season, I hope you enjoy!
But I digress…..well some asshole at ABC thought it would be a good idea to give Shaq his own show where he challenges other professional athletes in their respective sports. The show is called “Shaq Vs.” and last night he matched up against Ben Rothlisberger…you know of the Pittsburgh Steelers/raping hotel workers fame? Anyway I stumbled upon this show and decided to watch as Shaq is one of the newest members of the Cavaliers. Well it was nice to learn within 3 minutes of the show starting that Shaq has never played football in his life! Thanks ABC…way to stretch that show into an hour too! My favorite part was Shaq chanting “Let’s go Steelers” as he ran out onto the field, and the scene when you could tell that Big Ben just found out it was being alleged he banged some hotel worker in Colorado against her own will. Tune in on Thursdays this fall as they introduce the show “B-MOC Vs. Shit he can’t do” when I try brain surgery, building a rocket ship, and getting a job. It should be fantastic. I don’t know how some of these people get the jobs they do….
Speaking of getting my own TV show, I have noticed that a lot of people have been utilizing the shit out of their first amendment right to protest. Every night on the news, right after the update on Michael Jackson, they show clips of people all over the city and all over the world protesting. This made me come up with a plan. One day I am going to drive around the city and try to see how many times I can get on tv just by protesting. You will see me in Lakewood protesting with old handicapped people who are pissed that RTA is cutting some of their routes. You will see me in East Cleveland protesting the fact that the school board has cut buses to half of the kids and they have to walk 45 minutes to school. I will be protesting gun control in Washington D.C., you name it, I’ll be there!
I may have discussed this with some of you before….but does anyone else think little kids walk like drunk people? They are so unbalanced, they mumble, they take short hard stomps, and they are always falling down. They should start having DUI checkpoints to those little rugrats.
I got another polygraph test tomorrow morning on the East side and I am not looking forward to it. They aren’t as bad as I thought they would be, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are mentally and psychologically draining, and I am pretty sure Congress made it illegal to take two in a span of less than two weeks back in the 50’s, but I can’t find any literature on that. The guy on the phone assured me that this test would be at least 3 hours which is considerably longer than my last test…….OH BOY!!!
Well that’s all I got this morning. Sorry for the pretty random post. I am gonna go find my inner Chi on top of a mountain, and by on top of a mountain I mean on the golf course. One Love!