Happy Friday! The last 12 hours have been very gloomy for me. First, I went out with a couple friends last night to have some beverages and watch some football. I got home around 12:30 and found some styrofoam container leftovers (which are the best leftovers to find) and decided to watch some tube before bed. Well the only thing I could find was Schindler’s List…….so needless to say I sat in my room stuffing my face with onion rings and mozzarella sticks watching the Holocaust being carried out in cinematic fashion. And to top that all off, it’s 9/11! I feel like one giant crap sandwich right now. I need some rainbows and smiles.
Just found out some more promising news on the job search. Apparently the Lieutenant I interviewed with who has been making the rounds the last couple of days will be making a stop at my (my parents) house next Wednesday at 4, however before hand he will be “scanning” my neighborhood to talk with some of my neighbors! YAYYYYYYYYY, HOOOORRRAAAYYYYYYY! I think I would be more excited if I didn’t have a 6 month old puppy who feels the need to chew up every paperl towel and every shoe in our house EVERY SINGLE MORNING, a blind neighbor, three lesbian neighbors, and an 85 year old racist lady two doors down. Christ I hope the Lt. at least makes it to our house. I am thinking about printing up a newsletter of some sort just to let everyone know what’s going on. It will go something like this…..
I really, REALLY hope he doesn’t ask to go into my room. There is no way in hell I could get any job with my hearts/teddy bear wall paper. Dear God……..PLEASE DON’T HAVE HIM ASK TO GO INTO MY ROOM!!! Oh my Lord…….I think I’m gonna throw up. Time out!
Alright I’m back. Today I applied for a job with THE CLEVELAND INDIANS!!! HOOORRAAAYYY!!! And no, it was not for an everyday player spot. It was actually for a Culinary Team Member spot. Now I don’t speak French, but I am pretty sure that culinary means “something to do with food”. Now I love food, but I don’t really cook it, but I think I can “dish wash and line cook” which is what would be required of me. $7.50 an hour!!! Oh snap!!! Then I can buy me one of them cellular telephones!!!
This Sunday the Browns hit the field, so I wanna start a new segment called “Weekend Football Preview”!!! I will start with the Notre Dame v. Michigan game. This game kicks off at 3:30 tomorrow in Ann Arbor and after both teams winning convincingly last week, the whole midwest will be watching this one to see what team is for real and what team isn’t quiet there yet. Vegas has Notre Dame as 3 point favorites, I say HOGWASH! If Vegas had the odds of Charlie Weis’ FUPA growing exponentially at +3, then I would be all over that, but they don’t.
The thing about Notre Dame is everyone thinks they have been playing lights out for their last two games……their last two games against Hawaii and Nevada. If you watch highlights from those games, the “offensive genius” known as Charlie Weiss just likes to throw the ball deep every single play when they play inferior opponents, and that has worked the last two games. Watching the FUPA coach is like when you play Madden against your friend, and they find some glitch in the game and throw the ball deep, EVERY SINGLE PLAY! But, Michigan has equal if not better talent, especially on defense, and I predict that the Wolverines, especially the D-line, will be in Jimmy Clausens ass the entire game, not allowing him to go deep. Tate the Great is starting tomorrow and if he can run the offense as effectively as last week, than I see Michigan winning by at least a touchdown, especially at home. But that is a big if…….I am taking Michigan at -3, especially if Jimmy Clausen still looks like that guy from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I will say Michigan 31 – Notre Dame 21
The game of the week is USC v. Ohio State in Columbus. Now everyone knows I am a Michigan fan, but I am going to be completely unbiased here. Ohio State is led by the very talented Terrell Pryor, however they are coming off of a nail biter last week against Navy. USC is year in and year out one of the best teams in the country, however they have a true freshman under center in Matt Barkley (not related to Charles). Vegas has USC as a touchdown favorites on the road, and I would take that bet, and here’s why. OSU doesn’t have the running game that is has in years past. Don’t get me wrong, they will definitely be fired up for this game, but so will USC and with their depth and talent across the board, I think it will be a matter of time before the Buckeyes start to get worn down. If USC has the lead in the 2nd half, Mr. Pryor will be forced to throw the ball more, and that is where the Trojans defense can shine (no condom pun intended). This game will be won and lost on the offensive and defensive lines, and I don’t think OSU’s can hold a candle to USC. I will say USC 35 – OSU 21.
On Sunday afternoon the Cleveland Browns will kick off for the 2009 season YAAAYYYYY!!! Vegas has the Browns as 4.5 point underdogs against the Vikings, and I think that will be a fair assessment, and here’s why. First reason, Adrian Peterson. The man is a monster, and I can see him giving the Browns some trouble. Second off, if the Browns do stop AP, the Vikings now have Brett Farve who, although he does commercials for jeans that no one wears and is the most hated man in America, he can still throw the ball. This makes the Purple People Eaters extremely balanced, and that is always tough to stop. Thirdly, the Browns are starting their first season under Eric Manginey. He thought he was being all Where’s Waldo and keeping everyone on their toes with the whole QB competition, but he wasn’t. Which leads me to my next point, Brady Quinn is taking the reins for the 2009 campaign. This is not the first time BQ has started, but let’s be honest, he didn’t really show us anything at all last season. He has a lot to prove this year along with the rest of the team. I predict the Browns will win more than 4 games this year, but I don’t think they will win this one. I would take the Vikings at 4.5 point favorites, and I would also parlay that with the over/under of 40 and take the over. I predict Minnesota 28 – Cleveland 14. If Manginey doesn’t get it done in Cleveland, he can always play the next Doug Heffernan in the new CBS sitcom, “The King of Queens 2: Check Mate!” which picks up on Doug and Carries life after Arthur dies. That’s terrible, I love Arthur….I don’t know why I wrote that.
In other football news, the Mount Union Purple Raiders have what will probably be their closest game of the season as they take on the Bye Week this week. Last I saw, Mount was still 42 point favorites against the Bye.
Alright, that’s it for today. Everyone have a great weekend, and I will talk to you soon. One Love!