Day 221: “MOVE THAT GIGANTIC COTTON CANDY!!!”

jaws

Good morning!  Hope everyone is doing good.  It’s a big day for me today as the “Lieutenant” as he has become referred to as is coming to invade my neighborhood/house/bedroom this morning.  And of course, my rabid dog decided it was necessary to chew up a piece of what looks like charcoal in the middle of my living room.  She started out cute….but she has been a real slut lately and I am starting to dislike her very much.  I have spent the last several days trying to keep the house looking nice, and it’s gotta be the X-factor who somehow got a piece of charcoal and demolished it in the middle of my living room!  Where the hell did she get charcoal from?!?!  Am I being sabotaged?!?!?!  ANDY!!!!  YOU GOONIE!!!!!!

I hope you like the new banner at the top of the blog.  If you haven’t noticed, I recently have become quite fond of creating fake pictures of myself on a site called FaceInHole.com.  Those pictures are fake in case you were wondering.  Sorry if I ruined any ones beliefs that I was a praying mantis at one time in my time of unemployment.  I decided to make a new banner to symbolize……well I don’t know what it is supposed to symbolize.  I guess maybe that I may be really close to getting a great job.  Whatever.

I had a wild dream last night that the Lieutenant had come to my house, but he brought two police officers with him to keep me busy while he interviewed my parents.  The one guys name was “Baltimore” and the other guys name was Howie, but they were both like 7 feet tall and 350 pounds.  They looked like professional wrestlers in unifroms.  So we all got into their car and I asked what we were going to do.  Baltimore looked back at me and said, “I hope you brought your golf clubs…..we are playing Hurricane Katrina golf!”  I asked him, “what is Hurricane Katrina golf?” and he responded by telling me that we would travel in a time machine to when Hurricane Katrina happened, and play 18 holes in the streets of New Orleans.  Needless to say, I woke up before we teed off, but boy that was a crazy dream.  Kanye West was not impressed.

This is actually a real picture from my dream.  Here, Howie is tapping in for an albatross.  Notice how gigantic he is.

This is actually a real picture from my dream. Here, Howie is tapping in for an albatross. Notice how gigantic he is.

I continued my job hunt this morning by applying for a real doozy!  I found a job in Goose Creek, KY.  The title of this particular position is “Barnyard Masturbator”.  This job would require me to jerk off animals to collect sperm samples for God only knows what.  Some perks to the job are you get to work in a red barn, you get to work closely with animals, and you get to work out your wrists/forearms daily.  Some cons are YOU ARE JERKING OFF BARNYARD ANIMALS!!!  I’ll let you know if I hear anything….

....no....no it wasn't.

"....no....no it wasn't." This comic is actually wrong though. I'm not a vet, but I know that cows produce milk, not ball snot.

I need to figure out what I am going to do this afternoon since I don’t want to be in my house while the inquisition is going on.  So that means it’s POLL TIME!!!

Alright, that’s all I got for today.  Have a good one!  One Love!

SELAH

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1 Comment

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One response to “Day 221: “MOVE THAT GIGANTIC COTTON CANDY!!!”

  1. Josh

    I voted for the Barn raising….those Amish are fascinating.

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