Tuley is on the road in San Antonio this week!

Tuley is on the road in San Antonio this week!

Well the EOTM asked me to travel to San Antonio, Texas this week to spread word about the blog and hopefully push us closer to the goal of 1 Trillion readers. I obliged and am here, but have only been in the city that Manu Ginobili built for less than 24 hours and already I have made 3 concrete observations:
1. It’s hotter than hell. I figured that once I got into my hotel late yesterday afternoon that I would take a walk around to see a little bit of the city and grab something to eat. I showered, threw on some jeans and a polo and headed out. BIG MISTAKE. Immediately after I walked out of the hotel (mind you it’s 9pm), I began to sweat profusely. I walked around for about 20 minutes until I got the feeling that I was entering a so-called “bad” neighborhood that was probably about as bad as a church lawn in downtown cleveland. I walked over to a pizza place, got a large pizza and some “knots.” I walked back to the hotel and ate my dinner in my boxers only. 9pm and it was 96 degrees.
2. There are mexicans everywhere! My cab driver was mexican and as i looked into every car on the highway, there was a mexican. I’m sure they’re all legal, right? It gave me an idea. Aside from visiting the Alamo and experiencing the Riverwalk, I thought about how adrenaline-rushing it would be to go into mexico and then try to sneak back into the states. From what I can tell, it can’t be all that difficult. If you don’t see a Tuesday’s post next week, then you know my observation was wrong. Also, there’s a mexican restaurant right next to the pizza place that i ate at yesterday. I mean a real, true, make a run for it and steal a job from an american, mexican restaurant. I’m not sure if I should eat it but I know that as mexican as Applebees, Perkins, and Mike’s Bar’s quesadillas are, that I need to taste one straight from the people of Meyhico, as they say it here. P.S. That cab ride from the mexican was the most dangerous thing i’ve ever experienced. He was going 60 on a crowded downtown street and definitely would’ve hit one of his own people if the little chico didn’t jump out of the way. I’m not even kidding. He was cutting people off left and right. I’m sure this guy’s hero is probably Juan Pablo Montoya but still, you don’t see me hiding AK-47’s in guitar cases just cause my hero is Delonte West. I usually say a little prayer and ask the man upstairs to look out for me on my flights before takeoff but I never thought I would be saying 11 hail mary’s in a 10 minute cab ride! Mexicans have dropped from 6th to 9th in my new Racial Rankings. Native Americans still hold the top spot.
You got it Tuley!

You got it Tuley!

3. Shiner Rock Beer. This is a beer that is only sold in Texas and is referred to by the locals just as “Shiner.” The guy who made my pizza recommended it to me. He said, “you definitely need to pick up a six of shiner and that’ll do the trick.” When he just said “shiner,” I wondered if that meant “Moonshine.” I didn’t want to sound like an idiot so I didn’t ask. I figured I’d just read the label when I went to go buy it. Well the label explains nothing about what this Texas-only beverage actually is. They don’t even list what percentage of alcohol the drink contains! There’s gotta be laws against that I would think….but then again there’s laws against sneaking into this country and as I’ve seen, those aren’t exactly being obeyed properly. Anyways, I went ahead with the six pack and drank the first one very cautiously. The taste is suspect. One sip can taste like your everyday domestic bud light or miller light, and then the next can taste like a wheat beer mixed with flour and garlic. You like the beer then you hate it then you like then you hate it again. I only had one last night and have no idea how I ended up in Texas. As I look at my bruises and feel the pain in my back and neck, I remember that the crazy mexican cab driver got me here in half the time it takes for Mexico to filter their water, which requires only a strainer and some hand sanitizer. Actually, Shiner is not very strong at all.
Shiner Bock beer is covered in the blog's travel expenses.

Shiner Bock beer is covered in the blog's travel expenses.

Well there’s a little insight into what you can learn about San Antonio in your first few hours. I would like to thank the EOTM for dipping into his mult-zillion dollar budget and sending me here on official blog business. I will report back to B-MOC about my trip to the Alamo and the Riverwalk, as well as my straight-from-the-slums quesadilla. I will also be spending the weekend in Houston as B-MOC has told me that Yao Ming is a big fan of the blog and wants to speak to me about making the EOTM an ambassador to China. Since the chinese are in my Top 5 races now that the mexicans have dropped, I am willing to speak to Yao about working with the people that all look like William Hung to me.


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  1. Kyle

    That stuff is actually called Shiner BOCK (with a B… Go look at the picture), and they sell it here in Athens, Ohio. It’s awesome.

  2. Kyle

    It’s called Shiner BOCK (with a B… go look at the picture). They sell it here in Athens. It’s amazing.

  3. B-RUFF

    It’s been 3 days since an EOTM blog, WTF, he must have got a job finally…..

    or on his second day of trainspotting he got too close and….got cream cheesed.

    Either is quite likely.

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