Day 243: “I’d like to see a nude opera, because I bet when they hit those high notes you can really see it in those genitals.”

Barack Obama poster of meWhat is up?  With the weather changing and getting cooler the last couple of days, my sleeping habits have been all out of whack.  I can easily sleep for 14 hours a day now.  I feel like a bear in hibernation, except for I don’t sleep in a cave, eat salmon, or make Charmin toilet paper commercials. If you like the picture of myself above, you can buy it in poster form for $100 bucks.  I believe the dimensions are 80 feet x 100 feet so it makes the perfect stocking stuffer for the holiday season!!!

Speaking of eating, I am attempting to break a personal record of clambakes attended in one fall season.  I am already up to 37 and have 3 more planned for this weekend.  Clambakes are awesome, and are very American if you ask me.  I mean everyone cooks food all day long, and then eats and drinks all afternoon and then takes a nap and then wakes up again and eats and drinks again.  Clambakes are like a Thanksgiving appetizer, and everyone knows how us Americans love our appetizers.  I have a hypothesis that at sometime in my life time we will have a Thanksgiving-like celebration for every month of the year.  Like in the year 2024, July will be the month for Hot Dog bakes where everyone just goes all Kobayashi on hot dogs every weekend.  And in the year 2045, February will be the month where everyone attends block party’s or Chitlin bakes to commemorate Black History Month.  Oh what a time that will be.

One way to know if you are attending a good clambake is if you need to use a rake as an eating utensil, then it's a good clambake.  This guy has the right idea.

One way to know if you are attending a good clambake is if you need to use a rake as an eating utensil, then it's a good clambake. This guy has the right idea, but a stupid hat.

If there are any Browns fans left out there, then you know that Braylon Edwards was traded to the New York Jets yesterday for a sack full of marbles and one of these….

Braylon could be a play maker at times, but at least Eric Manginey is having a blast with this thing now!

Braylon could be a play maker at times, but at least Eric Manginey is having a blast with this thing now!

Luckily, yours truly was able to get a one on one interview with Braylon as he was walking through the airport to catch his plane to New York.  Lets see what he had to say.

Braylon!  Braylon!  How does it feel being traded to New York???

– It feels great, New York City is the fashion capital of the world, I couldn’t be happier.  Cleveland is full of bums and people with bad taste in clothes.

Right….about that….there was a rumor going around that you were a homosexual because you, and I quote, “wore suits and shit.”  Is there any truth behind that?

– What?!?!  I’m gay because I wear suits???  Let me just say that if I was on a bus full of homosexuals, I’d get off.

You’d get off???  Do you realize how that sounds?

– I SAID I’D GET OFF!!!  NEXT QUESTION!!!

Alright alright!  Well who is the one person you will miss the most in Cleveland?

– Well it won’t be just one person.  I mean, I became really good friends with Blake Costanzo.  He was great on Seinfeld!  But Phil Dawson and I became really close, especially when he kicked a ball at 120 mph into my crotch.  Listen if we are done here……I gotta catch this plane dawg.

Okay okay!  One more question!  If you could leave one quote for the people of Cleveland, what would it be?

– “Moisture is the essence of wetness….and wetness is the essence of beauty.”

What the hell does that mean?!?!  Get out of here you baby!

– You’ll see B-MOC……you’ll see.  BRAYLON OUT!

"Black Men Want to Meet You"???  Suddenly my grandma's subscription to Essence magazine is starting to make more sense.

"Black Men Want to Meet You"??? Suddenly my grandma's subscription to Essence magazine is starting to make more sense.

And finally today, the long softball season which started back in April draws to a close tonight.  We have won like 10 championships and have a chance to win another tonight.  If there was a Jesus Christ of softball, my teammates and I would be it.  With that being said, I am participating in a bowling league for the first time ever starting next week.  I am a decent bowler, I mean I average like a 275 and I have never bowled in a leauge before so I don’t know if that’s good or bad.  I guess I’ll find out soon enough.  But, I wanted to reach out to all ye faithful blog readers to get your opinions on what our team name should be.  I have come up with a few that I liked and I want to take a survey to see what everyone thinks, but feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments below.  And the nominees ARE……….

I must admit I’m pretty excited to throw some rocks next week!  Well that’s all for today.  Hope you guys have a good one!  One Love!

SELAH

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