Day 244: Those who wander are not always lost.

jaws

Happy Friday!  It’s kind of a sad day for me today and I’ll tell you why.  My best friend is going under the knife this morning to get neutered……..and I’m not talking about Tuley ZING!!!  But seriously my dog Lyla is getting her vagina sewed shut or whatever it is they do to make female dogs not have puppies.  Last night I was laying in bed thinking about this whole process, and it really started to upset me.  If you really think about it, it’s kind of like torture to a cat or dog.  I mean, I am a big fan of the Price Is Right and for years I watched Bob Barker’s skeleton walk around on stage, and after every single episode he would say “Make sure you get your pets spade or nuetered!”  I mean you could set your clock to it.  But I want to see how Bob Barker would like it if someone came and hacked his yam bag off.  I am 100% positive that every person in the world would not want this to happen to themselves or anyone else for that matter.  But we insist that it be done to our pets.  I started wondering then, are we like Nazi’s to our pets?  I mean there are plenty of similarities.  We order them around and tease them with treats and feed them dog food.  When we feel like they are “too sick” we take them to be “put to sleep”.  We teach them to do silly tricks just to make us feel better about ourselves.  I mean……we might be pet nazi’s people!!!

"Heil Kibbles N' Bits!" - Nazi Dog Traitor

"Heil Kibbles N' Bits!" - Nazi Dog Traitor

I will be honest, I believe that pets need to be neutered in order to control the stray animal problem in the world.  When I lived in Cleveland, my backyard was stray cat central where pregnant cats came to give birth to litters of cats so they could poop in our yard and get into fights all night long.  It was really bad, but I digress.  So again I was laying in bed thinking of another way to deter our pets from having to get their bikini area parts hacked off.  And then it hit me!  Puppy condoms!  I mean, I know the guy who invented the first condom for humans back in 843 A.D. was probably looked at as a weirdo by his peers, but look at how important they are in today’s society.  “The condom is like the glass slipper of our generation.  You slip one on when you meet a stranger, you dance all night, and then you throw it away.”  Why can’t the same be true for cats and dogs?  Well I thought I was really onto something and found a way to make billions, until I did a google search for puppy condoms and found this…..http://doggycondoms.com/

ARE...YOU....F-ING.....KIDDING....ME?!?!?!

ARE...YOU....F-ING.....KIDDING....ME?!?!?!

The emotions I felt when I saw this website ranged from disappointed because someone beat me to my own genius idea, to disgusted when I saw the picture above and the “How to apply a doggy condom” section on the left hand side of the webpage.  However, there are some pretty classic lines on the website.  My personal favorite is “dog condoms allow you to keep your puppy peppering the powerful dog spunk that makes him who he is without the typical regret so often associated with humping mutt-style neighborhood bitches.”  That my friends is the Employee of the Month blog quote of the week!!!  This world never ceases to amaze me.  I guess I could come up with an after sex cigarette for puppies.  As far as I know, no one has beat me to that yet.

"Was it good for you baby???"

"Was it good for you baby???"

It’s Friday, so I’ll do a quick football preview for the weekend.  Browns lose, Michigan lose, Ohio State win, Mount Union win.  Should be an exciting weekend for football!  Tune in next Friday for the weekend football preview!

That’s all for the week.  All in all I feel like it was a good first week back and I already feel like I am at 100% blogging efficiency.  I leave you with a haiku for my weekend.

Clams into my gut,
vagina closed on my mutt,
woolly bear kisses.

One Love!

SELAH

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1 Comment

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One response to “Day 244: Those who wander are not always lost.

  1. Wait, so they don’t want you to put the condom on the dog’s balls too?

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