Day 256: “I’m not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I’m doing while they are aiming it at me…I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.”

Hey, what’s up?  I want to start off todays post by addressing a rumor that I have been hearing a lot lately.  It’s the rumor that gingers can’t get STD’s unless they have sex with a striped trout.

Am I the only thing that can give a ginger an STD???

Am I the only thing that can give a ginger an STD???

Now as many of you know, the EOTM blog has a resident ginger who is commonly referred to as “The Big Ginger”, and he definitely has STD’s and I don’t think he has been messing around with any striped trout at all.  I am also friends with another ginger who I will refer to as B-Ruff and he also has full blown STD’s without having had sex with any striped trout.  He also likes to accept fantasy football trades a week and half after they are offered because the chlamydia has gone to his brain and he sucks.  But anyway, everytime I hang out with either of these guys I have to bleach anything that has touched any of their furniture or anything of theirs for that matter because the chances that I get one of their diseases is 100%.  So once again to reiterate, gingers CAN get STD’s without having sex with striped trout.

Put that in your nightmare bank.

Put that in your nightmare bank.

As many of you know, I am a very big Cleveland Indians fan, and after the last two seasons, it’s hard to explain why.  But everyone knows the Indians recently fired their entire coaching staff and are in the process of hiring a new coach.  A couple of the names that are floating around to take over as the manager are Manny Acta, Don Mattingly, and Bobby Valentine to name a few.  Now Manny Acta used to be the manager for the Washington Nationals, and he is still looking for his first MLB victory.  Don Mattingly is a big d-bag who has been a part of two organizations in his career, the Yankees and the Dodgers.  So he should be the perfect candidate if the Indians want to hire a mustache who wont have enough money to do anything with.  Unless of course he brings on Wade Boggs onto his staff…..that could completely change everything!

In case you are having trouble reading it, the sign says "Did you know that Wade Boggs drank 64 beers on a cross country flight?"

In case you are having trouble reading it, the sign says "Did you know that Wade Boggs drank 64 beers on a cross country flight?"

I could just picture Don Mattingly getting hired and bringing on his identical twin Wade Boggs to be the hitting coach.  After the Tribe is flying home from Seattle, Wade Boggs gets all sauced up after drinking an entire keg by himself and starts yelling racial stereotypes at Shin Soo Choo and Asdrubal Cabrera.  Man that would be quite a sight!

Anyway, Bobby Valentine isn’t a bad coach, but he has been “going from port to port” in Japan for the last several years and although I heard he has learned to make a mean General Tso’s Chicken, I don’t know if he is the man for the job.

"Ooooh, Baarry Varentine great basebarr manager!  We ruv him rongtime!"

"Ooooh, Baarry Varentine great basebarr manager! We ruv him rongtime!"

Now I am not sure what exactly this sign means, but I think Bobby is explaining his theory on when to hit and run while he is eating an American Whopper.  Either way, IT’S MAGIC!  The fact of the matter is that no matter who the Indians bring in to manage, we are still in a rebuilding process and most likely won’t see any results for several more seasons.  The Tribe could bring in Jesus to manage and we would still finish 4th in our division next year, but we would be first in turning water to wine and other various miracles.

"Ok Pronk...now just keep your eye on the ball, ANNNDDDD SWING!  Good job buddy!"

"Ok Pronk...now just keep your eye on the ball, ANNNDDDD SWING! Good job buddy!"

I love how no matter what Jesus is doing, he is always the same.  I mean in this picture he is wearing a robe with no cleats!!!  Now it is just a safety issue Jesus!  Just ask Braylon Edwards what happens when you don’t wear cleats.  After little Tommy up there steps on his feet, I’m sure the next picture could be this…..

"OH MYSELF!!!  YOU STEPPED ON MY F-ING TOE YOU DUMB ASS!!!"

"OH MYSELF!!! YOU STEPPED ON MY F-ING TOE YOU DUMB ASS!!!"

I watched the movie “Slumdog Millionaire” last night and it was pretty good.  By pretty good I mean you will like it if you enjoy seeing a little boy completely naked and like watching people climb out of an outhouse by going through the poop hole in the floor.  Other than that it was a pretty entertaining movie based around the show Who Wants to be a Millionaire.  I actually hate that show, but I’ve been told I do an awesome Regis Philbin impression, and am actually considering dressing as him for Halloween.

"Let's play....WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!"  That is my Regis impression money maker.

"Let's play....WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!" That is my Regis impression money maker.

Well, that’s all I got for today.  I am going to go outside and enjoy the Indian Summer and figure out why professional sports teams can’t be referred to by Native American names but we can refer to parts of our seasons by those same names.  MAN I CAN’T WAIT FOR ESKIMO BLIZZARD!!! I leave you with a haiku.

Indian summer,
Is that Regis or B-MOC?
Wade Boggs is a lush.

One Love!

SELAH

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “Day 256: “I’m not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I’m doing while they are aiming it at me…I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.”

  1. B-RUFF

    I’m pretty sure B-RUFF got his STD’s from licking frogs and playing hopscotch with Brian Peppers. But that’s just what I heard…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s