Day 264: “I have a girlfriend that looks a little bit like you…and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.”

Holla!!!  It’s good to be alive, and it’s a gorgeous fall day today!  I just got back from walking my dog and looking for Jesus.  I got an interesting phone call yesterday afternoon.  It was from the number 1-866-394-4493.  Well thank God for Google in todays day and age, because I simply typed in the number, and found out who was trying to call me. Apparently, it is some sort of “relay” service that can be used by deaf people, or people who aren’t near a phone but are near a computer. I don’t usually answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number, so I let it go to my voicemail.  Well it did, however while I was checking my voice mail, I received 3 more calls from the same number in a matter of 5 minutes!!!  So here I am, thinking that someone might want to offer me a job!  I grab a pen and paper and check my voicemail.  The person starts out by identifying themselves as an operator and gives me their operator number, but no name.  Then the guy says that he has a message that needs to be relayed to me.  At this point I am thinking…”Is this real or what?”  Well he goes on and relays the message which read “Hey hey baby…I hope you return one of my call so you can sex my face B-MOC.”

jaws

Then the guy hangs up and doesn’t say who sent the message.  I quickly hit the replay button on my phone to make sure I didn’t miss a job offer or something.  But as sure as I am typing this post right now, that is the exact, word for word message I received.  Now I knew that deaf people could be kinky, but I have no idea who sent me that message.  Which is why I am offering a reward to the first person who either comes forward and claims responsibility, or who can give me some information on who did this.  The reward will be your choice of one of my dumb cats, Mittens or AJ.  I mean…I am always down for a good face sexing, but I am pretty sure it is illegal to do to a hearing challenged individual.

This shirt says "Hey hey baby, I hope you return one of my calls so you can sex my face B-MOC."

This shirt says, "Hey hey baby, I hope you return one of my calls so you can sex my face B-MOC."

I was laying in bed last night, watching a little tv as I usually do before night-night, and I stumbled upon one of my favorite comedies, Walk Hard: The Legend of Dewey Cox.  I love the movie because I am a huge fan of Jon C. Reily, there are a ton of really great cameos in the movie, and the humor is pretty ridiculous at times.  There was one weird part about watching it last night though.  It may have been because the movie was on Starz in Black, which according to the Starz website, “features black and african american movies, and provides movies that connect with todays black audience.” I found it strange that this movie was on Starz in Black since there are approximately 2 african american gentleman in the entire movie.  I don’t really know what the criteria of a movie must be to get a movie played on Starz in Black…but I can’t wait to watch “The Last Black Man on Earth” starring Tom Hanks (via Chappelle Show).  But I guess it’s true what they say…professional dancers don’t go out dancing.

Here is a picture of one of the two african americans in the movie.  Starz in Black approved!

Here is a picture of one of the two african americans in the movie. Starz in Black approved!

Before I end todays post, I wanted to touch on a story I have been reading about all week, and that is the one about how former NBA player Antoine Walker is now bankrupt and facing felony check fraud charges in Las Vegas after he made over $110 million dollars in his career (before taxes!!!). This story kind of bothers me for several reasons.  First off, who in the hell would have paid Antoine Walker that much money in his career.  Don’t get me wrong, but he was a mediocre player making superstar dollars.  That would be like the Cavs giving Anderson Varejao Lebron James money.  Second off, this is a very sad story, but I cannot feel sorry for a person who has already blown all of his money, especially $110 million (before taxes!!!).  I have read things like he had an entourage of over 70 people (Vinny Chase is not impressed), would play $15,000 hands of Black Jack in Vegas (Michael Jordan is not impressed), and one year spent like $10 million dollars on watches alone.  TEN MILLION DOLLARS ON WATCHES!!!  Were they digital or the kind of watches with the hands?  I hope they were digital, because I don’t know many people who can read a watch or a clock with the hands on it!  I digress…..but like I was saying, I cannot and will not feel sad for Mr. Walker.  Would you feel sad for someone who took all of their money and burned it?  No?  Ok good, because that is exactly what he did.  The worst part of this is that he will get bailed out by somebody.  TNT or ESPN will eventually bring him on as an NBA analyst who can stumble over his words and predict the Lakers or Celtics to win every year.  Or he will right a book about his life and how hard it has been going to Vegas every weekend with 70 of his “closest friends”.  We will see Antoine Walker again, and when I do I am going to be pissed off.  I am not gonna lie, and that may sound conceded, but I am serious.  I don’t appreciate people who take advantage of anything, and that is exactly what a lot of professional athletes do today.  If I ever had $110 million dollars, I would still live with my parents in my Berenstein Bears room, I would buy a video camera, get in the car that I own now, and drive cross country and document my entire trip, and then I when I got home, I would look like a bum with my beard, long hair, and numerous tattoos I got during my trip, and I would make a video documentary and put it on YouTube for everyone to see!  I would take my time too, it would be like 6 months before anyone heard from me.  I swear to God if I ever had that much money, I would sit on it.  I would live a very good life and no doubtedly buy some cool stuff like moon shoes and a quesadilla maker.  But there have been too many horror stories about people winning $200 million dollars and losing it all after they turned their house into a castle and tried to buy the planet Neptune.  Not me….no way, no how.

jaws

It has also been reported that Antoine Walker paid an instructor $100,000 dollars a day to learn how to walk like a tyranosauraus rex. I can kind of see why he would want to do that one though...I mean it's like the gift that keeps on giving.

Alright chums, that’s all for today.  Tonight the bowling league starts and the team “Pin pin ain’t easy” hits the lanes to throw some rocks as they say.  Apparently we can win a lot of money in this league which I like the sound of.  I am going to write an epic poen about our first night bowling for the blog post tomorrow.  Stay tuned, and I will talk to you later!  One Love!

SELAH

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “Day 264: “I have a girlfriend that looks a little bit like you…and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.”

  1. Thanks for Cliff Lee cleveland…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s