Day 284: “I may have alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have alzheimer’s!”

Hello!  Last night I had a dream that I had started a cab service, or a “taxi”, and I just drove all of my friends around…but instead of using a car, I used a big wheel.

There wasn’t a place I wouldn’t drive to.  In fact, during one part of my dream, I was going down I-90 Westbound at about 80 miles an hour, peddling my mind away, and I actually flipped my big wheel sending my passengers and myself over the railing and into the woods.  It was a dream, so we all were ok, just looked at each other, and hopped back on and kept going.  The thing I loved about big wheels is how you could peddle really hard at first and make it spin out.  I have this theory that big wheels are responsible for the “Ruff Ryders” bike gang, but it is still just a theory.

In other news, I will be having a phone interview with a very local organization within the next week.  This is good for two reasons.  #1.  I will be having an interview for an actual job!  #2.  I don’t have to shave my mustache!  Hahaha, my mom hates my mustache.  She comes home from work and literally comes up with insults about my mustache.  I would share some of them with you, but they are too vulgar for the internet and in bad taste if you ask me.  I am pretty pumped about this phone interview though.  My unemployment-ness is getting pretty bad.  Like last night for instance, I realized that I hadn’t showered in two days, only when I yawned and caught a whiff of my own arm pits.  I haven’t had to put a pair of pants on since Sunday.  So hopefully something comes from this interview for my sake and the sake of body odor.  When I was a little kid, my uncle taught me his famous “poisonous pit” wrestling move because I was a die hard wrestling fan.  You basically just lay on top of the guy you are wrestling, and smother his face with your armpit.  So I want to give you all a heads up.  If you ever want to wrestle me, you will be getting the poisonous pit for sure.

This girl knows what I'm talking about.

Back to this phone interview though, I am pretty excited about it, because I feel like I excel in phone interviews.  I actually have only had one, but I felt like it went really well.  Like any interview, you have no idea what they are going to ask you.  The thing about a phone interview is is that you can’t see the reaction of the person interviewing you, so that’s why I like to use the “answer a question with another question” technique….a lot!  Like in my last phone interview, the lady was like, “So in what ways do you feel you could be an asset to this company?”  And I was like, “Well >HR Lady<, I’m going to answer your question with another question.  Are you serious?  You really can’t tell already?”  Later on in the interview, she asked what my asking salary would be, so of course I responded with another question and asked, “Well how much do you make?”  The interview ended shortly after, and I didn’t get the job because of the shitty economy.  DAMN ECONOMY!!!!!!

Another thing about phone interviews is you can wear whatever you want!  My ideal phone interview would consist of me, laying on my couch, with my cut off jeans on, my mustache looking glorious, and probably a dirty undershirt on and a bag of potato chips nearby in case I need a snack.  I would probably look just like this guy…

"Well I feel like I am the ideal candidate because I am self motivated, organized, and pay great attention to detail. I also work well in a team setting, which is what I know you are looking for!" >crunch, crunch as I put more potato chips into my mouth<

Alright well I gotta go.  My mom came home for lunch and has to get her Facebook fix or else she starts smashing her great grandmothers china from the great depression.  I leave you with a prayer.

Dear God,

Please let me find a job, like 5 minutes ago.  I hate when my mom gets into her Facebook craze and smashes her valuable possessions.  Thank you.


One Love!



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