Day 285: “The world’s a playground…you know it when you are a kid, but somewhere along the line, everyone forgets it…”

Thursday is the day that I blog on.  It’s crappy weather outside, but that don’t mean I won’t get my “song” on.  Blogging to the left and blogging to the right.  I get my blog on almost every single night.  Reading this blog is like getting kicked in the scrotum.  It could be worse, you could be at the bottom of a pole that is totum.  I show the world all my wonderful mind lightning, then I brush my teeth with the toothpaste of whitening!

So I was laying in bed watching some tv last night, and I came up with a great business idea.  “Black Friday” is next week, and of course everyone goes crazy over all of the sales that all of the stores have.  I have never been, but I have heard that there are some great savings to be had.  I heard that this year, some stores are even considering opening as early as 3 am!!!  Wow!!!  3 am!!!  So anyway, my business idea was about creating a Black Friday delivery service.  The way it would work is that a customer would make a list of everything that they wanted to buy on Black Friday, and what stores they wanted to get those items at.  What I would do, is go out and wait in all of the lines for that person, pick up their wish list, and deliver the items to their house.  I would charge 10% of the total of their bill, which may seem high, but at the same time, those people don’t have to wake up at 2:30 am to go stand in line outside of Wal-Mart to buy the new Hannah Montana training bra for little Susie.  I could do it….although that may be illegal with my mustache….I have to look into that.  But anyway, back to my idea, I think people would really buy into this because after a long day of turkey the day before, the last thing anyone wants to do is have to wake up that early to stand in lines for Christmas presents.  I am perfect for the job.  I don’t even go to bed until after 3 am most nights.  Hell, I could take a power nap at 11 pm and head to the stores right after to be first in line.  A customer could wake up at 9 am, have a cup of coffee and read the paper, then, >KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK<, “who is it honey?”, Oh it’s just B-MOC delivering all of my Christmas presents.  I spent $5,000 so here ya go sweetheart, there is $500 bucks, but I also through in a leftover plate of Thanksgiving dinner (with some pumpkin pie) and the 3rd season of Lost because I know you love it so much!  Genius genius genius!!!

Notice the mostly female crowd. I figure with my size, strength, mustache, and the fact that my personal hygene has been questionable lately, I can pretty much guarantee myself a spot at the front of every line. Can you say, "chaaa-ching"???

In movie news, everyone’s yearly thirst of Vampires will be quenched this Friday when the second installment of the shit series Twilight comes out.  I believe this one is called “New Moon” and it is driving all of the women here at the EOTM house crazy.

I know I have touched on this before, but this kind of stuff cracks me up.  First off, I have never seen any of these movies, but I already hate them because these books and movies were so succesful, now everyone is trying to jump on the vampire bandwagon, even if that means that they make a shit movie, or a shit show in the meantime.  Nobody cares, they just hear the word “vampires” and they go……”bat shit” (did you see what I did there?  because vampires can turn into bats!”)

Anyway, what really cracks me up is all of the young women who have fallen in love with the characters from these movies.  “Oh that vampire is so sexy!  Ooo his vampire eyes are dreamy!  Oh geeze that one can turn into a werewold, how cute!”  But what these girls don’t realize is that those vampires and werewolves will rip your face off, and chew your jugular out!  That’s what they do, that is how they eat!  I would love to see what these same teenage girls would do if they saw a real life vampire in the woods.  I know exactly what they would do, they would freak out, become extremely terrified and try to run, only to be caught and devoured whole.  This reminds me of when I was in middle school and everyone was trying to throw the crip and blood signs.  “Oh man that is so cool, I wish I could make my hands spell out blood!!!”

Oh man that is so cool!!!

Yeah, it’s cool until you end up on E. 55th at midnight on a Wednesday and try throwing that sign up.  It wouldn’t end well.  The same is true with this vampire stuff.  They would tear any of us apart just because they could.  I have a feeling that all of the girls who are madly in love with these stories are the same ones who are going to grow up and think that you can raise monkeys as pets, or even worse raise them as a person.  Everybody has seen Dunstin Checks In and everybody believes that monkeys make awesome friends, but that isn’t true.  Monkeys will rip your arms, ears, nose, and the rest of your face off, just like this lady…

Vampires on the other hand…well they aren’t as forgiving.

Well that’s all for today.  I will talk to you all again soon!  And sorry for the above picture, it is a little distrubing.  But I figured, “If Oprah can do it, I can too!!!”  Alright, One Love!

SELAH

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