Day 286: “Why don’t University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes? BECAUSE CATS KEEP COVERING THEM UP!” HAHAHAHAHA, BECAUSE THEY ARE SHIT!!! THE CATS COVER THEM UP BECAUSE THEY THINK THE KIDS ARE SHIT BECAUSE OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM THEY LIKE! ERRRRRR!!!

What’s up?  Todays music video comes from one of my favorite artists for about the last year and a half.  His name is Bon Iver, and if there was ever an Employee of the Month musical on Broadway, this man would play me.  You see, he moved into a cabin in a remote part of Wisconsin for 3 months during the winter to write all of the songs on his CD.  For 3 months, he was all alone with just his guitar, a pen, some paper, I would imagine food and water, most likely some clothes (including a touque, winter jacket, and socks), and probably either a gun or an axe.  That’s my dude…I salute you Bon Iver!

I have a funny story to tell.  One of my neighbors has been out of town visiting her children and grandchildren all month long.  So when she asked my family and I if we could pick up her mail every couple of days, we of course said “yes”.  Well we didn’t know she would have someone come pick it up in intervals, and I thought we would just give it all to her at one time when she got home.  I didn’t know one of her daughters who lives in this area was going to stop by and pick it up.  So it was about 4 o’clock in the afternoon yesterday and I was “surfing the net” as the kids call it.  I was on my computer browsing the internet is what I’m trying to say.  Well I was feeling comical yesterday so I decided to wear my “That’s What She Said” t-shirt.  One of the websites I check out regularly had the video by Heart called “These Dreams” at the top of their page….

so I decided to click play because lets face it, that isn’t a terrible song, and it had been a while since I heard it.  Well I got really into the song and didn’t realize how loud the speakers were.  Next thing I know, I hear knocking at my front door.  I run over because I have a feeling the person has been there a while.  I open the door and see my neighbors daughter, and she is saying something to me but it is really hard to hear her.  I make out the words “my moms mail” so I go grab it for her.  It wasn’t until I closed the door that I realized how awkward this must have looked.

"Can I help you?" as "These Dreams" blares in the background

We may or may not be asked to pick up my neighbors mail the next time she goes out of town.  Jesus I think I look just like a young Sgt. Slaughter.  Our chins are exactly the same….

I think Sgt. Slaughter, Alex Mack of the Cleveland Browns, and myself could make one hell of an Academic Challenge team.

We had bowling last night, and I cannot explain how much I absolutely love it.  If I could recommend some kind of activity to everyone to do before they die, it would definitely be to join a bowling league.  It’s fascinating going every week.  There are so many different shapes and sizes of people there, and everybody bowls in an entirely different way compared to the person next to them.  Take for instance, the 5th member of our team showed up last night, it was Darren Hass’ dad.  He looked exactly like Joe Paterno of Penn State football, only if you added about 15 years.  He was OLD!  But it was all good!  He didn’t throw the ball hard and didn’t bowl very well, but we all still had a great time talking about calling farts “butt sneezes” from now on and talking about the physics of a different kind of bowling ball.  I never imagined I could have so much fun bowling in a league, but it really is a lot of fun.  They finally started posting our team name, “Pin pin ain’t easy”, in the league stats so maybe now we can start earning some “lane cred”.  I mean earn some respect at the bowling alley from our opponents, is what I’m trying to say.  I already came up with a team name for next year.  In honor of Cleveland’s own Bone Thugs n Harmony, our team name shall be Bowl Thugs n Harmony.  Did you see what I did with the Bone and the Bowl there?  That’s what she said.  There is one draw back though.  Darren Hass has this crazy terminator looking wrist guard that he wears.  I mean this thing has like hydraulics and stuff like that on it. Well our team likes to “hit the rock” after one of us throws a good ball.  I mean we like to make our hands into a fist and put our fist into our teammates fist, is what I’m trying to say.  Anyway, Darren Hass robo-wrist is like playing a continuous game of bloody knuckles.  After you spend three hours “hitting the rock” with Big DH, your hand looks like a battered womens shelter.  By our third game, it takes every ounce of energy in my body not to just flip out on Darren and tell him to use his other hand or take that damn thing off.  I was terrible at bloody knuckles because I have fair, sensitive skin.  Within a minute there was blood everywhere, it was terrible.

Hit the rock, don't smoke it. Then throw a perfect strike over, and over, and over, and over.

Well tomorrow is the OSU/Michigan game.  I’m not going to make any predictions because it is always a crazy game, for better or worse.  Can Michigan win….yes.  Will they win….I don’t think so.  Is Terrelle Pryor a terrible quarterback…yes.  Is Jim Tressel a pansie….yes.  But that goes all out the window for this game.  Good luck to all of the players tomorrow, and good luck to Maurice Clarrett who is still serving time in a federal prison.  He always had one of my all time favorite quotes, and I will never forget it for as long as I live, and I will leave you with it today.  It goes, “I robbed a guy and I liked it.”  A haiku for the big weekend…

Bring on the Buckeyes!
“I robbed a guy and liked it,”
says Maurice Clarrett

"Go Bucks!"

One Love!

SELAH

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