Happy Thanksgiving Eve! “It’s a bad time to be a turkey…” jab, rib, jab, rib, jab, rib. Does anyone ever wonder why we eat turkey on Thanksgiving? I have heard rumors that it was the meat of choice at the first Thanksgiving, but I think those are false. Everybody knows that turkeys didn’t come onto the scene until the early 1900’s so the math just doesn’t add up. What if Chipotle’s were around back in the day, and today everyone gathered on Thanksgiving, watched football, gave thanks for everything they have, and then started in on a 21 lb chipotle burrito that’s been in the oven since 4 am. Holy shit that would be amazing! And then there could be a bowl of the “stuffing” or just whatever was in the burrito and all of its deliciousness. I tried to find a picture of a 21 lb burrito on google images, but no dice. I want you all to know that I am very thankful for google images and all of the fantastic pictures that they have provided for the blog. Sometimes I like to just type in a random word and see what comes back. For instance, if I searched the word “stuffing” one of the first images that comes back is of a guy fisting a turkey!
If you do a search for “pumpkin pie”, you get the following…
An image search for the word “pilgrim” brings up a picture of a blind Jesus, in a robe, on a beach, trying to make peace with a rock that he thinks is an Indian…
And finally, a search of “macy’s day parade” brings up a great picture for the nightmare bank. It’s a picture of a giant clown trying to eat guys in bio-hazard suits.
Man, I used to be obsessed with the Macy’s Day Parade. I used to wake up every Thanksgiving morning just to watch it. It was awesome seeing all of the floats, especially if it was a windy day and they were blowing all over the place. I liked seeing all of the performers lip syncing their songs, and watching the Rockettes dance. The best part was seeing Santa at the end of the parade. He was sitting on this majestic thrown and waving at all of the kids. I didn’t find out that Santa wasn’t real until I was a senior in high school. Ever since then, the parade hasn’t had the same appeal that it had in years past. Now I don’t want to get into details because it’s a touchy subject, but I don’t understand how he could be fake. There is just way to much stuff that needs to be done on Christmas for him to be fake……whatever, I’m over it.
This one year, when I was in elementary school, I was in boy scouts and a die hard wrestling fan. Well there was this food drive downtown for Thanksgiving, and if you brought a turkey down you got to meet THE, Macho Man Randy Savage, who happened to be one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. Well you better believe my boy scout troop and myself headed downtown with the cheapest turkeys we could find, and I met the hell out of the Macho Man. I did not however, snap into a slim jim. I used to have a picture of he and I, but I can’t find it right now. I always thought that a good porn name for a woman would be Sandy Ravage…you know, like you just switch the first letters around and you have a great porn star name.
Well, that’s all I got for today! I hope you all have a great holiday, and make sure you give thanks for all of the things you have. I leave you with a haiku…
Stuffing in my bag,
Turkey can make a man mad,
Go fist yourself bird!