Day 296: “Crack is whack…” – Whitney Houston

Hello there!  How is everybody doing after their long holiday weekend?  Probably better than Grady Sizemore, huh?  Apparently some pictures of his “lil slugger” leaked on the internet after they were stolen from his playboy playmate girlfriends email account.  I guess it could be worse.  The pictures could have leaked of a naked Browns defensive linemen Shaun Rogers, or of Cavs big man Zydrunas Ilgauskas.

"My 'Lithuanian Pork Sword' is this big. I am a sex machine."

Actually, this whole situation doesn’t make me think any less of Grady Sizemore.  I mean, the guy is dating a playboy playmate (who has a shady email account) and makes millions of dollars a year to play a game that everybody loves.  He is a sexual icon in the city of Cleveland, and if anything he is just promoting himself more for his free agency that is coming up in the next several years.  I really don’t see why anybody would look down on Sizemore for this.  I heard Nike wanted to put up a poster of Lebron’s crank on Ontario and still have the slogan “We Are All Witnesses” next to his 5 story tall hammer.

Clevelanders would instantly be terrified to go downtown in fear of "becoming a witness".

Tomorrow is December 1st, which means that Movember will officially be over.  It was a good mustache year.  I would say that finding out about “Just For Men” completely changed my life, and I want to announce on this post that after I shave tomorrow, I am bringing back the homeless man/Jesus look and will once again not shave or cut my hair until I have a face to face interview.  With the weather getting cold, I figured now is as good a time as any to grow the full blown face garden once again.  You heard it hear first.

Speaking of December 1st, tomorrow night is the annual Victoria Secrets fashion show, a “must watch” around these parts.  I must admit that I look forward to seeing the most beautiful women in the world wear some of the craziest, most revealing pieces of clothing around.

What the hell is she wearing?!?! That's so hot!!! Those wings are like 20 feet tall and totally impractical, but my God that is awesome!!!

I came up with what I think is a fool proof plan and I would like to share it with you guys.  I wanted to create a fantasy Victoria Secret’s fashion show league.  I figured, everybody loves fantasy sports, so how can I incorporate that with these beautiful lingerie models?  The way it would work is the night before the show, everyone in your respective league would meet somewhere and have a draft.  You would pick a team of 3 models that only you would be able to watch, you would not be able to watch any other models and here is why.  The winner would be decided by whoever had the most full blown erection at the end of the show.  Hahaha, I am just kidding, that is inappropriate.  I could see something like this catching on down the road, but with the economy the way it is, I don’t think anybody can handle it right now.

"Ron Burgundy's Massive Erection" would probably be the #1 fantasy Victoria's Secret Fashion Show team name.

Alright, well that’s all I got for today.  Tune in tomorrow for a special holiday season post.  I leave you with a haiku…

Grady’s wang is out,
Homeless man is back, no doubt,
So long Movember!

One Love!

SELAH

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