Day 297: ‘Tis the season for Tuesdays with Tuley!

It’s that time of year again…that’s right, Christmas is a little over 3 weeks away.  That’s why today, the EOTM crew thought they would take some time to share with all of you our Christmas lists!

Merry freakin Christmas!

The #1 thing that I want this Christmas is……..a job!!!

"Welcome to Popcopy!"

I’ve got a feeling that something will be turning up very soon…but either way, I am more than ready to get back into the work world and flourish!

The #1 thing that Tuley wants for Christmas this year is…..for Michael Jackson to release a new CD which contains the covers of LL Cool J’s “Don’t Call it a Comeback” and Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”.

"Merry Christmas Tuley" - LL Cool J Santa Claus

The #2 thing that I want for Christmas this year is…….for National Kick a Ginger Day to be every day of the year!

A story has been in the news lately about how a bunch of 12 year old kids got suspended from school for “kicking gingers” on November 20th, and I just want to say I am furious!  HOW THE HELL DID THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THIS, AND WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED?!?!  That is why I want everyday to be kick a ginger day, and I am going for “the Big One” right away.  The kid in that picture above looks like if Donkey Lips and Budnick from “Salute Your Shorts” had a baby.  He looks terrifying is what I am trying to say, and he needs to be kicked, like 5 minutes ago.

The #2 thing that Tuley wants for Christmas is…..for IP Relay Service to once again allow me to make free relay calls so I can force an operator to say very inappropriate yet hilarious things to my friends.

So the “Inappropriate Prankster” finally reveals himself!!!  I must admit I had a hunch that it was Tuley all along, but I will also admit that he was not my #1 choice.  Definitely in the top 3 though.  I am surprised that they don’t let him do it anymore, I mean, tis the season of giving and forgiving.  Why not just one more “put sex on my face” message???

"Hello B-MOC, this is IP Relay operator 4237......put sex on my face."

The #3 thing I want for Christmas is……an inflatable moose head.

As all of you know, I live in a room covered with teddy bears and hearts all over the walls.  It is very, non Christmas, so I want some decorations to fit my style a little more.  What is better than an inflatable moose head???

Why waste your time tracking down and shooting a real live moose when you can just blow one up instead.  Now that is manly!

The #3 thing Tuley wants for Christmas this year is…..for my roommate K. Hrub to stop trying to emulate Grady Sizemore by walking around the house, blocking his junk with only a coffee mug.

There is really no need to explain this one.  Those pictures of Grady’s weiner have sparked the imaginations of millions of men all across the world on how they can block their junk with unusual objects.  K. Hrub is no exception.

"Can you guess what I'm hiding under my purple blanket? I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with the word 'cleanness'' - K. Hrub

The #4 thing I want for Christmas this year is……..a “butt face towel”.

This is another self explanatory one.  I actually prefer to air dry, but in the winter time it becomes tough because of how cold it gets.  My “coffee mug” can quickly become a “shot glass” if you catch my drift.  Since I don’t really use towels, I figured I better play it safe and get this one so I don’t dry my face off with the butt side of my towel.

The #4 thing Tuley wants for Christmas this year is…..to flip through the HBO channels late at night and randomly come across a porno and ask, “Is that Rob Ryan?!?!?!”

"It's important to get penetration in the backfield because everybody knows its a game of inches." - Rob Ryan, Def. Coordinator/Porn Star

The movie will be called “4th and Inches”, “Splitting the Uprights”, or “Intercepting the Tight End”.  In the last one, Rob Ryan would just C-Block every guy he comes across.

The #5 thing I want for Christmas this year (see Tuley’s #4, and…)….the movie “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” on Blu-Ray.

Nothing says Christmas like Santa Claus, and martians.  Martians will quickly become todays vampires, and this movie will replace such Christmas classics as “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “A Christmas Story”, and “Miracle on 34th Street”.  I want to call dibbs right now and get my very own blu-ray copy…….I am just kidding, this movie looks terrible and I can’t believe it was ever made.  Knowing that this movie was made has just ruined my Christmas, and it isn’t for another 3 weeks.

Well that’a all for today’s Christmas special edition post.  If you guys have any unique gifts that you are asking for this year, go ahead and leave them in the comments section and we will discuss how awesome they are.  Tune in tomorrow as I give you a step by step recipe on how to make your very own ginger bread house!  Then when you are done with it, you can kick it because it has the word “ginger” in it.  Everyone have a good one!

One Love!

SELAH

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1 Comment

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One response to “Day 297: ‘Tis the season for Tuesdays with Tuley!

  1. Josh

    It was November 20th…A-holes

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