Day 298: Surround sound is amazing. I once watched “Erin Brokovich” in surround sound, you know…the one with Julia Roberts in it….and I SWEAR TO GOD I heard her fart.

Well my mustache is officially gone, and I know look like a chubby 12 year old boy…aka Chunk from The Goonies…

But the mustache coming off now means that there is a lot of stuff to do before Christmas.  First up on the agenda is the CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!  OOOHHHHH YEAHHH!!!!  I like to go all out when I put up the lights, in fact, you may have seen my house on the internet or on your local news in years past.

The damn ACLU made me take down the "Merry Christmas" search light I had circling the skies unless I changed it to "Happy Holidays". I told them to go fist themselves AND I DID IT ANYWAY HAHAHAHA!

My personal favorite Christmas lawn decoration we have is an inflatable Santa Claus that looks like he is waving at passing motorists.  He has been known to surface in several inappropriate pictures over the years, and sometimes he falls over for no apparent reason.


I don’t know why, but I can’t help but think of the Travelocity Roaming Gnome when I am setting up my Inflatable Santa.  The reason I say I don’t know why is because I hate that guy.  He is right in there with that group of advertising ploys I hate including, but not limited to Flow from Progressive Insurance, Mr. Opportunity from Honda, and the Gecco from Geico Insurance.  You want me to book my trip through Travelocity huh???  Well I say……..gnome way.  HAHAHA GNOME WAY!!!

I was laying in bed last night and the movie “Marley and Me” came on.  Holy shit…that was the saddest movie I have ever seen.  I cried so hard I had to wash all of my pillow cases this morning to get the salty tears out of them.  I mean I was blubbering, I thought I was going to wake up the rest of my family.  Why do they make movies that are that sad?!?!  The only thing I took away from that movie is, don’t get pets.  Don’t get them, because one day you are going to get married to Jennifer Aniston and that dog is going to have to get put to sleep and it will suck even though he was a little shit head the whole time you had him.  Don’t get them, that’s what I would tell my little non existent children that I took to see the movie.  I mean Christ….I can’t remember the last time I cried that hard.  I had to go to CVS and buy more kleenex this morning because I used up all of the ones in the house last night (and not for that Tuley, they were sad tissues).  I mean I don’t want to beat a dead horse here, but I can’t believe they make movies like that.  You know what?  I just came up with an idea for a movie, it’s called “Kids with Cancer” and it’s going to star Dakota Fanning and Will Smith’s little boy.  Oh, was that not sad enough for you?  Well just wait 6 months until the sequel, “Miscarriages” comes out.  That should be a real box office hit!  Damn you Marley and Me……damn you straight to hell.

Bastards.......that dog sucks.

Alright well that’s it for today.  I want to let all of you guys know that the EOTM blog store is having a Christmas sale so if you want to make a donation to that I would appreciate it.  Currently, you can save 50% on EOTM Movember Mustaches, and yes, they do make the perfect stocking stuffer.  Just enter the purchase code “UNEMPLOYEDA-HOLE” and that will get you shipping and handling for 20 bucks (non-negotiable) and I will personally deliver the items you odered to your house.

It's the gift that keeps on giving!

Talk to you tomorrow!  One Love!



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