Hello. How about that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it sin city. Ha Ha. Anyway, I was given an assignment by BMOC to find out more about the blog’s audience. Basically the EOTM asked me to come up with a way that would allow him to study the blog’s readers and learn more about them. I told BMOC I’m not exactly sure how to go about this and he said, “Do it before I set you on fire.” I quickly came up with an idea.
There have been many times when my friends and I have played the game “For a million dollars, would you [insert weird, disgusting, or painful act here]?” It’s probably the second best way to learn about who your friends really are. The best way is to have another one of your friends call your original friend and tell them that you died. Their reaction to your abrupt death should let you know how they feel about you. If they say, “Ah that sucks, man. Well I gotta go to work now, let me know what you’re up to this weekend,” well you may want to reconsider that friend. However, if they go all Chaz aka Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers and start screaming, “Dammit Tuley!!! DAMMIT!! WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHH DAMMIT TULEY!!!!!!,” then you have a friend for life. Anyway, here are some of the questions that my friends and I have asked each other in the past:
"God damn you Tuley!!!"
1. For a million dollars would you go into a medically induced coma for all of 2010?
2. For a million dollars would you have one of your limbs amputated?
3. For a million dollars would you dive into an olympic-sized swimming pool of diarrhea?
4. For a million dollars would you have gay sex on ESPN?
5. For a million dollars would you go up to Brock Lesnar (UFC fighter) in a spot where it’s just the two of you and tell him that you heard his mother is a whore?
"Your mother's a whore.......sir."
6. For a million dollars would you have an electonic piece surgically implanted into your head that played the Titanic theme song on repeat for the rest of your life?
How many times did you see Titanic?
7. For a million dollars would you live the next 25 years of your life as a midget, and then after that work as a slave to a midget while living as double your original size?
I think this question is a bit confusing, but this is the only image I could picture reading the question.
8. For a million dollars would you let Michael Vick take care of your favorite pet for six months?
9. For a million dollars would you walk through East Cleveland unarmed after midnight and call every person you see the N word?
10. For a million dollars would you live in a world that had the same weather every single day? That weather being 3 degrees farenheit and 15 inches of snow at all times.
Bonus Question: For a million dollars would you get a tattoo somewhere on your body of Maury Povich saying, “Andrew, you are not the father”?
RANDOM FIRE! If you were in a fight who would you rather have on your side: Jackie Chan or The Rock? Or Golddust?
“Pick me!” – Goldust
Would you rather be Clay Aiken or E.T.?
"Pick me!" - Clay Aiken
Why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
“Pick me!” – Driveways
I hope nobody was offended or too disgusted with these questions. In fact, I blame the majority of these questions on my friends who I have learned will do just about anything for a million dollars. Not me though, I’m not sure I would do any of these things.
In other news, I met former NBA basketball player Dikembe Mutombo this past weekend. I was at a fundraiser to raise money so that a young cancer patient could go to L.A. to meet his hero, Pat Sajak, when I ran into Mr. Mutombo. Believe it or not, in addition to Congo-ish, he also speaks pretty good English! I wasn’t all star-struck or anything like that; I’ve met celebrities before, including Pete Rose and Austin Croshere. Dikembe was very kind and even let me take a picture with him. I asked if I could stand on a stool so that it would look like I was taller than him and he thought that would be funny so he lifted me up like a daddy would to a child and stood me on the stool. I think the picture came out pretty nice!
Dikembe was only drinking water so no need to start any rumors. As you can see though, he’s a big Lance Armstrong fan with that “Livestrong” bracelet and I’m glad he was wearing that dog tag because that’s how I knew it was him. It says, “Dikembe M. /C / Residence: Congo.”
I hope you all have a great day. For the Cleveland readers, stay safe, stay warm! For our Congo readers, as Dikembe said, “Di Click Co Yut Flick Ton Clap Click Do!”
“I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls…but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, “Screw it, cut em up!” – Mitch Hedberg