Day 340: “In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey…”

Hola!  How goes it?  Sorry that there was no post yesterday, but I was away from my computer all day long as I took a little snowboarding retreat and had no way to post anything at all.  I know what you’re thinking, and yes….I still got it as far as tearing up the slopes go.  It was like 7 years since the last time I went, and for some reason I tried to hit a couple of jumps.  I was laying in bed thinking about why I tried to do that, and I couldn’t figure out a reasonable explanation why.  I couldn’t land any jumps 7 years ago, so I don’t know what made me think I could do it now.  I came home and told my roommates that I was sore as hell and they told me it’s because I am getting old.  Yeah it could be that……or the fact that my neck broke my fall from the height of 12 feet.

Now I know how Christopher Reeves felt.........too soon?

So today I wanted to take a deeper look into a cultural phenomena that I am sure you are all aware of.  I would bet money that all of you probably tapped your foot to one of their jingles at one time or another.  I am talking about the band.

I was watching tv the other day, and one of their several commercials came on and I found myself wanting to learn more about this band.  Are they real?  How do they come up with their catchy jingles?  Do they really play at Renaissance fairs?  Well I used my Carl Monday detective skills to find out more.

Apparently, the band is very real and is actually referred to as the Band.  All three members are actually musicians, however they all play in different bands.  The lead singers name is Eric Violette (here is his official webpage which is weird) and he is a French Canadian which is stupid.  After becoming very addicted to heroin and transvestites, he decided to start the band in order to meet more man women who could score him some crank.  Apparently he is a huge liar and actually has really good credit since he could never pay for heroin with a credit card.

The bass player in the band is named Vince Charron.  He is also French Canadian and really into trani’s.  That is how he and lead singer Violette met.  Charron paid Violette to give him a rimmer for some smack, next thing you know they are writing songs about working in a seafood restaurant dressed like pirates.

The third and final member of this French Canadian version of Run D.M.C. is named Mario Telaro.  He is the drummer and he met the other members of the band at a jail cell  in Montreal after they were all picked up by the local Mountees.  Clearly going through withdrawal, they all started wildly banging on whatever they could, and using their own hair to create string instruments.  Next thing you know, they are clean and have found Jesus, and they come out with this….

It was all downhill from there.  Even though the band is very popular in the United States, apparently that is the only place that shows the commercials so nobody knows who the hell any of these guys are in Canada.  They go around trying to play local venues and have been booed off every single time.  However the same is not true here in America.  Their songs have gotten stuck in every man, women, and child’s head and they will surely be the most popular trio since Nirvana.  My favorite part of the band besides their fantastic lyrics are all of the parodies that have popped up on the internet.  Like this one….

And this one (I wanna give mad props to the guy not only for his creativity but also for his Brady Bunch-esque presentation)….

“F to the R to the E to the E to the C to the R to the E, D, I, T, to the RE to the PORT to the DOT COM, come on everybody grab your bike and sing along”…….simply brilliant.  I’m not gonna lie, these French Canadians are alright with me.  They are pretty clever and their jingles are so damn catchy!  I don’t know if they read the blog or not, but in case they do, I just want to say “Merci beacoup band!”

Speaking of Canada, I am actually going to a wedding in Ontario this upcoming weekend.  I am leaving tomorrow, probably sometime in the early afternoon.  But since I don’t usually wake up until the crack of noon, I may not be able to get a post in tomorrow.  I will try my hardest, but if I don’t post, you’ll know why, and I will be back next week.  That’s all I got for today, I will talk to you sooner or later!  A haiku….

Canada is great,
If you love being stupid.
America’s hat.

One Love!



1 Comment

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One response to “Day 340: “In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey…”

  1. lady fan

    I’ve figured it out….

    you are like the Mark Titus of Cleveland’s job market and the EOTM blog is like clubtrillion. you two should collaborate. that’s your million (excuse me trillion) dollar idea right there.

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