Day 369: Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.

What’s up pimps and pimpettes?  I just got home a little while ago from free bowling league practice.  I recently found out that since I bowl in a league on Thursday nights, I can practice for free on Thursday morning from 9 to 11 am, and Sunday nights from 9 to 11 pm.  When you are unemployed and alone all day, you learn to appreciate everything that is free and involves other human beings.  Practice could have been Monday mornings from 3 to 5 am and I would be there at 2:55 tying up my shoes.  Today was the first time I took advantage of this free practice time and it was pretty cool because there was only like 5 people there, and I was the youngest person there by about 60 years.

There was this old lady next to me named Rose….and I hate her.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a sweet old lady.  But the fact that she beat me every game did not sit well with me.  At first she was pretty respectful of our rivalry, but then she started talking jazz with her body language and I almost “took care of her”.  She only stayed for about 45 minutes because her replacement hip started to give out.  But either way I made a new arch nemesis this morning.

"OH BOY! I JUST BOWLED ANOTHER STRIKE.....AND PISSED MY PANTS! Where am I?" - Rose

Bowling this morning made me start to wonder though.  Am I missing out on this old person phenomenon?  I feel like we have a lot in common, and that I am turning away from a possible group of new best friends.  Besides the age difference, I share a lot of the same characteristics as some of the older crowds I have been meeting.  I watch Murder She Wrote and Matlock all day long.  I completely appreciate and don’t underestimate the value of a nickle anymore.  And most of all, we both smell like mothballs.  I don’t know if I am on to something here, but I am definitely going to look into “old people gatherings in northeast Ohio” on the internet in the upcoming days.  Who knows…these may be my people!  Also, I would do about anything for a Buckeye Card and a $3 meal at Bob Evans.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot!  As I left the bowling alley this morning I noticed that one of the snow plow trucks that was plowing the parking lot went all Chris Brown on my passenger side mirror and smashed the hell out of it.  Luckily the mirror was still attached by the cord that supplies the power to it so I can move it with that little power mirror nub.

Whoops

I filed a claim with my insurance agency and then pulled a Carl Monday by tracking down the company that plows the parking lot, calling the owner, and having him find out if his drivers actually hit my car or not.  He said the guy who did that particular parking lot this morning had just gotten off of a 2 day shift and was sleeping, but that I would definitely hear something by the end of the day.  This is important because if he tells the truth, then the plow company will have to pay for the damage, if not, then I am stuck with the bill.  You know this is a big test for human kind in my eyes.  This guy could man up and tell the truth and most likely not receive any major consequences….or he could lie and I could hate him forever.  Honesty is something I really value in a person, but to be truthfult it’s hard to find in a lot of people today.  I am interested to see how this snowplow driver responds after his slumber.

If he lies I am sicking Rose on his ass....no doubt about it.

Before I go for today, I want to touch on something that a friend of mine and I were discussing the other evening.  I want to bring this up because it involves two people who were very influential in my early years, and they are Uncle Joey from Full House and Alanis Morissette.

Uncle Joey (actual name is Dave Coulier) on the left, and Alanis Morissette on the right.

Now I don’t know if any of you have heard this before or not, but apparently Morissette’s song “You Oughta Know” is not only one of her first big hits, but also a song she wrote about Uncle Joey doing the dirty with another women while he was dating Morissette.  This song was made a long time ago, but it sticks out in my mind because of that line she says “Are you thinking of me when you f#$% her?!?!” and I was a little kid and I was all like “WHOA the F-word!”  Anyway, I did a little research online and this happens to be a hotly debated topic on the world wide interweb.  Apparently the two met in 1992 at a hockey game (go figure two Canadians meeting at a hockey game!) and they eventually fell in love.  No one really knows for sure what happened next for sure, except for the two parties involved, but the breakup obviously wasn’t pretty. This article done a couple of years ago with Uncle Joey has some great lines in it.  One of my personal favorites is “I think I really hurt this person…”

"Are you thinking of me when you F!@# her Uncle Joey?" - Alanis Morisette

I loved both of these people growing up.  Full house was my show back in the day, and I had a huge crush on Kimmy Gibler.  Jagged Little Pill was one of the first cd’s I ever bought.  I know that may be one of the least heterosexual statements ever made on this blog, but don’t hate!  We all have cd’s that we are ashamed we bought.  I mean, my collection when I was 9 years old consisted of Sheryl Crow, The Spin Doctors, Kris Kross, and Jock Jams.  “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”…..bitches.

Alright well I gotta go now.  I’ll talk to you all tomorrow when I give my Olympic preview.  Tune in, and I leave you with a haiku.

You really suck Rose….
By suck, I mean I love you.
Uncle Joey…….PIMP???

One Love!

SELAH

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