Day 374: “If you’re robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it’s ok to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too. Because come on…..life is funny!”

What is up?!?!  Well my first day of testing is officially over and it was pretty interesting.  I had to be at the police department at 11 am this morning.  When I showed up, the captain I have been in touch with during this whole process informed me that I needed to go get a drug test done at another location real quick, so before I knew it I was back in my car driving to a doctor’s office.  When I showed up I met the nurse who would be doing my drug testing.  She was a nice older lady who was very friendly.  The first thing I had to do was take an “alcohol breath” test or a “breathalyzer” as most people know it by.  I had never taken a breathalyzer before in my life and it wasn’t too bad…..I am just thankful I didn’t have my usual breakfast this morning.

Lucky Charms and beer = the breakfast of champions

I blew a .000 and for some reason I was really nervous I was going to end up blowing like 3 times the legal limit even though I haven’t had a beer in days.  Anyway, the next part of my drug test consisted of the nurse getting a sample of my hair to send to the lab to get analyzed for any drug residue.  Needless to say, she busted out her make shift barber’s kit and had to take off quite a lot of hair.

You can't really notice it right?

So after that, I had to head back to the police department where I was meeting a psychologist who was going to give me a bunch of tests.  This guy was your stereotypical psychologists with his snowy white hair, his well groomed beard and he just gave you the impression that he was constantly analyzing every word you said and every move you made. I had to fill out some paperwork and then he interviewed me face to face for a half hour or so.  Then after that, I proceeded to take written psych tests for 4 hours!  It kind of sucked.  The questions aren’t hard, but they are all weird, worded very awkwardly, and there was over 800 of them.  I did get to take a Wonderlic Test which is the same tests that NFL prospects take at the combine so I am excited to see how I did on that.  Hopefully better than Vince Young did on his.  Anyway, from noon to 4 pm I answered questions like “Would you enjoy being a librarian?”, “On a scale from 1 to 10 how much would you say you enjoy watching animals suffer?”, “Do you enjoy eating spimoni?” and “If given the chance, do you think you could make the world a better place?”  It was a mental drain but I feel like I did well on all of the tests and I’ll find out for sure soon enough.

"Would you rather go to a party or have sex with a family member?" WTF?

But, I am home safe for now.  Tomorrow morning I have my post offer polygraph test in the morning, and my 4 hour ride along in the afternoon.  Should be exciting stuff!  If you recall the last post I made after my polygraph test and how I was not a big fan of it.  Well I am taking another one tomorrow, with the same guy who pissed me off last time.  I will keep you posted.

Anyway I gotta get going.  The snow plow driver who knocked my side view mirror off last week bought me a new mirror and is actually installing it for me tonight.  God bless his soul, I am glad that he manned up and did the right thing.  I will talk to you all soon, and of course, I leave you with a haiku…

No weed in my hair.
WHO YOU CALLING A PSYCHO?!?!
Four hour skull f!@#…

One Love!

SELAH

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