Day 8: “Sometimes I do something and then I think to myself…..that is SO raven.”

HEYYYOOOOOOOO!  What is up?!?!?!  It’s been a while since I posted so I thought I’d drop some knowledge on you all.  I have had a pretty wild past week.  I have been busy with the job stuff (that sounds so weird to say!).  I have filled out countless pages of paperwork which sucked, but I have gotten to do a lot of kick ass other things.  Last Wednesday I got to shoot some guns for the first time in my life.  Well I shouldn’t say first time….there was an “accidental discharge” at my previous address.  I don’t really want to get into it, but lets just say nobody was hurt, I was deaf legally deaf for 45 minutes, and we had to shove Play-Doh into the bullet hole so our landlord wouldn’t see it.

Not only does Play Doh make a great after school snack, it can also be used to create the PERFECT CRIME!!!

Anyway, back to the guns.  I believe it was Katy Perry who said “I shot some guns and I liked it”, and she wasn’t kiddin!!!  I had a blast (no pun intended)!  The guy who was training me was awesome too.  He was a little out there if you know what I mean.  He started off by teaching us how to load the gun, and the different parts of the gun, and by the end of the night he was explaining to us how you need to shoot suicide bombers in the head, therefore eliminating their “cerebral cortex” which doesn’t allow them to push the button to detonate their bombs.  I wanted to say something to him about how it was unlikely that I would run into a suicide bomber anytime soon, but I was afraid he was going to bite my penis off and insert it into my ass for me.  He was an intense guy to say the least.

"Guns don't kill people...I do." - My range instructor

Over the weekend I was playing some pickup basketball, and I thought I blew my knee out.  It sucked and I was really scared because today, I started the police academy and I wanted to be 100% for it.  My knee blew up and I couldn’t straighten or bend my leg at all, it was locked at like a 15 degree angle.  I thought that I was going to have to get surgery and that I would be out of commission for 6 months.

My knee on Sunday morning.

But, I went out and bought a nice knee brace and strapped that thing up tight.  I wore it to the academy today and although I am still pretty sore, I feel like I will be back to full strength in a week or two which is awesome.  I think I may have dodged a bullet on that one!

Anywho, the police academy started today and I think it’s going to be a good 15 weeks.  I am going to be instructed by a lot of great people from agencies all over area, and I am going to get to do some cool stuff too like get tasered, shoot automatic weapons, fight a guy dressed up in a big red padded suit, and learn how to drive fast at the local airport.

If you are ever riding your bike and are confronted by "red man", don't try to ride up him with your bike like this Lance Armstrong wannabe doucher.

Alright, well that’s all I got for today.  Just wanted to stop by and say “what up” to everyone.  I’ll post something again soon, so stay tuned!  A haiku for the road….

Red man can suck it,
Is Al Qaeda in Cleveland?
That is SO raven!

One Love!

SELAH

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