Day 48: “Life is like a jar of jalapenos…what you do today can really burn your ass tomorrow….”

Yo, what is up???  For some reason I am all jacked up and woke up at 7 am on a Saturday, so I figured I would pass some time by doing what I do best and BLOGGING!!!  The title of today’s post is very true.  You see, while I was in college, there was a Papa John’s just off of campus that sold $5 large one topping pizzas to college students and you could get any topping you wanted.  I would usually take advantage of this deal about once a week and every time I did I would pick a new topping on my “za”.  Well one week for some reason, I decided to get jalapenos as my topping.  I enjoy spicy foods, and the pizza wasn’t too hot to handle.  However, the next day was one of the worst days of my life.  That thing burned my asshole so bad it was almost unbearable.  It felt like I was riding a bicycle without a seat and it literally brought tears to my eyes.  I learned two things after that day….#1, jalapeno pizzas are nobody’s friend, and #2, I should have sued Papa John’s for anal rape and I would never have to work again.

I had a pretty wild dream last night.  In my dream I had taken the form of Patrick Swayze in the movie Dirty Dancing.  I have never seen the whole film, but I do love to dance and in my dream I was the guy who invented the “Electric Slide” and the “Chicken Dance” and every time I stepped out on the dance floor everyone was going crazy.  Of course I got to dance to “Time of My Life”, and I don’t remember much dialogue from the dream, but I do remember I kept saying “Nobody puts B-MOC in a corner!” over and over and over again.  I guess it was a pretty cool dream.

"Nobody puts B-MOC in a corner!!!"

In other news, I decided that if I ever make it to the rank of Police Chief, I will legally have my last name changed to “Wahoo” so I will then officially be referred to Chief Wahoo!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  Oh man that would be great, I mean unless I had a real American Indian who worked for me and he got offended and tried to scalp me while I was at my desk.  But other than that it would be sweet!  I am surprised that not more chiefs out there have thought of this idea.  I should get a patent.

I did not make this, I found it on google images. I think it is still pretty funny though. Police Chief Wahoo would definitely not make this illegal. Maybe they aren't talking about just the logo in this picture. Maybe they think the whole team is racist. Or perhaps the entire city of Cleveland is racist. I have heard rumors that Grady Sizemore hates minorities......

Our bowling season ended this past Thursday and I won like $150 which was cool.  I heard a joke from this guy who shows up and doesn’t bowl at all, he just walks around and tells semi-racist jokes.  He came up to me out of nowhere and asked “What do you call a Mexican with a rubber foot?”  And I looked at him and said “I don’t know” and he responded….”ROBERTO!!!” then I thought about it, got it, and said “HEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

The Cleveland Cavaliers start the playoffs today and I am excited.  I love the NBA playoffs as long as the Cavs are in them, but I don’t like how they play like one game every 4 days.  That is stupid and I don’t know why they do it like that.  But anyway, they take on the Chicago Bulls today at 3 and I don’t like the Bulls.  I think Joakim Noah looks like Master Splinter from the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles……not the cartoon Master Splinter (because Joakim Noah is a real life person not a cartoon, duh!) but the live action Master Splinter.  Also, the Bulls have Vinny Del Negro as their coach….he isn’t a bad coach.  It is alright for me to say his last name because black people say it around each other all the time.

Nobody puts Master Splinter in a corner! Joakim Noah is like a wannabe Anderson Varejao and he sucks at it.

Alright well it’s like 9 am now so I am gonna go walk around the house and watch the rest of my family sleep.  Haha I am just kidding, that would be weird.  Go Cavs, and I leave you with a haiku…..

Butt-hole on fire
Chief Wahoo in KKK?
Hey look, a nickel!

One Love!

SELAH

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s