Day 55: “It’s true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets it’s wings. But what they don’t tell you is, every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.”

HOLLLERRRR!!!!!  HEEEEYYYOOOOOO!!!!  Man I have been waking up early on Saturday mornings so jacked up lately that all I can do is blog.  I don’t know why that is, but I love this feeling of adrenaline I have been getting lately.  I just got my oil changed in my car and I felt like I was skydiving.  I’ll give you $10 if you can guess what t-shirt I am wearing right now.  Give up?

HEEEEYYYYOOOOO!!!! God it gets me every time! Hahahaha! Get it? The mushroom is saying "I'm a fun guy". Holy shit that's funny!

Anyway, let’s get into today’s topics……

So the last couple of weeks I have been engaged in a serious debate of whether or not Lady Gaga is hot.  You see, I enjoy watching music videos on youtube and I came across her one video….you know the one where she is dressed like a freak (sarcasm).  Anywho, I was watching this video thinking to myself “man Lady Gaga looks like a freak” and then there would be a close up of her looking normal and I would then think to myself “man Lady Gaga looks really good!”  I was torn, so I started asking my friends how they thought about her.  I heard really good arguments from both sides and didn’t gain any ground in the debate, so that leads us to right now.  I wanted to take it to the blog followers to see what you guys think.  I have prepared an argument for this topic.

In 2009, the name of my fantasy football team was “Lady Gaga’s Hermie Dicks”.  For those of you who do not know what a “hermie dick” is, it is basically short for hermaphrodite penis.  Hermaphrodites have both male and female genitalia.  At one of Lady Gaga’s performances in Europe some time ago, there was video and pictures of her with a bulge in under her dress.  I guess eventually this bulge popped out and everyone saw her “hermie dick”.

"Finkle is Einhorn? Einhorn is Finkle???"

Holy shit!  DO YOU SEE THAT BLUE MO-PED ON STAGE?!?!  Hahaha, just kidding, there is one giant wiener hanging out of that dress.  So…..needless to say I threw up in my mouth when I saw that, and proceeded to name my fantasy football team after that little incident.  BUT, apparently Lady Gaga wore a strap on for that performance to kind of mock the whole entertainment industry and the paparazzi or whatever.  If that’s true, I like that move on her part.  It’s clever/disgusting and is really the reason I decided to dive into this whole investigation.

Ms. Gaga is famous for dressing like a weirdo/robot/like she is on LSD.  I don’t really dig that whole thing.  I mean when she dresses weird it is really f-ing weird.

Are you serious?

What the fuck........when was she on Ellen???

And here she does her best impression of the Slim Jim Guy. Randy Savage is pissed.

Right….she is a weirdo who wears rings on her head and covers herself with crow feathers and blood and fake spiky hair.  It reminds me of middle schoolHEEEEYYYYOOOOOOO!!!!  But there is another side to Lady.  I have seen pictures of her where she looks really really good!

Hey mommy!!!

It's a shitty Ray Charles impersonation is you ask me, but I think she looks good here.

Is this the same woman who has a bigger package than I do???

So here I am, back at square one.  I really am starting to believe that Lady Gaga is actually two different people.  One is a guy who got laid off from Brueger’s Bagels back in 2006 who fell into a giant vat of heroin and is permanently partially brain dead, and the other is a gorgeous woman who likes to sing.  I want to take it to a vote and see what all of you think.

I’ll tell you what I think.  As long as Lady Gaga can keep her junk thoroughly hidden and keep the fake blood, wigs, and loud makeup away from me, she is definitely hot.  Everytime I think that I feel like a part of me is disappointed in myself for thinking that.  I guess I really just hate her for making me wrap my head around this so much, but whatever.

In sports news, the NFL draft was this past Thursday and the Cleveland Browns were once again recognized as a real professional team and able to take part in it this year!  Yaaaayyyyy!!!  The big news came on day 2 when they drafted former Texas quarterback Colt McCoy.  I don’t think he will translate into an NFL qb very well, but I like his attitude and work ethic and am more than willing to give him a chance in C-Town.  Plus, the guy was rocking a kick ass mustache during the season last year, and you all know how I feel about facial hair!

YES!!! Hey Colt, if your career in the NFL shits the bed, I'm sure you could find a lot of success in being a serial child molestor!

But the real reason I am pumped about this pick is simple.  Colt McCoy has the hottest fiance I have ever seen.  Her name is like Rachel or something, but the reason I know who she is is because she got a lot of publicity during Texas games and on the internet, and after I finish this post I am going to the airport to wait and welcome her to Cleveland.

Hey mommy!!!

Welcome to Cleveland Rachel! You can bring Colt too I guess. Come and look at both of our buildings!

The future Mrs. McCoy is on the left. She really gained notoriety when during a Texas game on ABC, Brent Musberger commented "There is Colt McCoy's girlfriend in the stands.....holy cow I have a huge erection right now!" I think those two people in the upper right hand corner of this picture are drowning......she should really turn around and do something.

That’s awesome.  Good for Colt too.  Like I mentioned, I think he is a really tough guy and I hope he does well for the Browns.  AND, on top of it all, he was able to bag a nice down to earth girl while looking like Malcolm in the Middle.  Good for you man!  I hope I get a chance to meet him and his lovely fiance one day so we can exchange war stories about growing a mustache.  Tebow may have won the Heisman, but I think Colt wins in the girlfriend column, even though Timmy has a pretty popular “significant other”  as well.

HEEEEYYYOOOOO!!!! (please don't be mad Jesus)

Alright well that’s all I got for today.  I gotta go write my weekly letter to Progressive Insurance telling them how much I hate Flo and how they should kill her character off in one of their commercials.  I leave you with a haiku…..

My butt itches bad,
Mrs. McCoy is gorgeous!
Lady Gaga balls.

One Love!




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3 responses to “Day 55: “It’s true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets it’s wings. But what they don’t tell you is, every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.”

  1. Jesus

    I’m not mad B-MOC, Colt’s girlfriend is one fine piece of ass. Also, I think this is one of your best posts ever.


  2. Thanks Jesus….you are the man! I think the Bible is one of YOUR best posts ever!

  3. John the Baptist


    Jesus’ deciples and I wrote the bible. Jesus was just our main character. Please give credit where credit is due.

    Thanks and great post….i’m a big fan.

    Keep it real, homie.


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