Day 103: “If you had to list the different types of haircuts in order of how warm they kept the head, I bet you would put the flattop down near the bottom. But you know, I bet it’s suprisingly warm.”

Hola!!!  This is officially my first post from the new Casa B-MOC!!!  That’s right, the Barenstein Bears room is in the rear view mirror and I am a free man once again!  I finished putting the finishing touches on my new “bachelor pad” this past weekend, and now I can officially listen to my stereo while I watch tv at the same time….because I like to party!

Don’t get me wrong, I am going to miss living at my parents house.  There was no rent and free food, but at the same time I had to deal with being covered in animal hair 24/7 and my retarded dog constantly eating all of my stuff.  Needless to say I am ecstatic to be back on my own, just like the good old days!  My new place is pretty kick-ass too, although I think it may be haunted, and I know exactly who I need to call for that!

This place is awesome though.  We have a DVR which I had at my last house, but now I can record the movie “A Fish Called Wanda” without having to worry about my family judging me.  The water pressure is really good!  So good in fact, every time I take a shower I feel like I traveled back in time to the Civil Rights Movement.

I have a dream, and it is to NOT lose a layer of skin every time I take a shower.

Probably the coolest thing about this place is the dishwasher in the kitchen.  I have to admit that I have never had a dishwasher in my life.  We had one in the house I lived in in college, however we tried to turn it on once and it flooded are kitchen.  I am actually pretty intimidated by the thing.  Like I will walk into the kitchen and it just makes these horrific noises and there is steam coming out of it.  Part of me thinks it is witchcraft and that I may never use it, another part of me is intrigued just like when the caveman kept trying to invent fire.  I don’t know how to use it and am scared to try it out….but like Fergie says, “I’ve got a feeling” and “let’s get retarded!”  Haha.

"What the fuck is this thing???" - Me

Oh yeah, I almost forgot….we have a pool table in our place.  I play 50 games a day and if anyone wants to get their taint pushed in, just give me a holler and I’ll be happy to oblige!

Moving in and out of places is by far my least favorite thing to do.  Someone needs to get the ball rolling on that whole teleportation business.  I shouldn’t have to load a car up with my stuff, drive to a place, and then unload it just to repeat that process dozens of times.  I should just be able to throw my crap into a portal and then go unpack it.  That’s it.  While I was unpacking my socks, I started thinking.  Like, you buy socks in a pack and then you take them out of the pack and they get bunched together with all of your other socks, and then they get washed, and then you sort them again, but odds are it isn’t with the sock(s) that it was originally paired with. What if socks had their own personalities that we didn’t even know about?  Like what if you got a racist sock paired up with a black sock?  What if you got a republican sock and a democratic sock?  The combinations are endless, but I just picture all of my socks arguing all day long because they are spooning with a sock they can’t stand.

"Move over you liberal queer!" "Shut up you Nazi!" - My socks

I’ll tell you one sock that I would absolutely hate to be paired with…..”World Wide Wes”.  You may have been hearing his name in the sports world a lot lately.  Apparently he is a “middle man” that can “make things happen”.  I hear his name come up a lot in all of this Lebron free agency talk.  So, I decided to investigate “WWW” a little more.  According to his incredibly short and stupid wikipedia page, Wes got his start in the basketball world in high school.  It was there that he began, and ended, his playing career.  That’s right, he only played high school basketball.  He stuck around the basketball world however by becoming a shoe salesman at a “high end” shoe store at a mall in New Jersey.  That’s alls.

Other "high end" shoe salesman include......Al Bundy, that's it.

So when I hear that the NBA is being controlled underground by a man named “World Wide Wes” who is an expert at sizing wide set feet, it pisses me off.  If Lebron ends up leaving the Cavs, that is fine with me, as long as it is on his own terms.  Don’t get me wrong, I will hate him, but if this assholes name pops up at all in his departure, I am going to flip out.  Professional basketball players are the best athletes in the world in my personal opinion, but they are also the dumbest.  How this piece of shit has any say in how anything goes down in the leage is beyond me.  He is literally just a fan off of the street!!!  I wish he would just stick to helping people find good arch support instead of manipulate the league.  Go fist yourself World Wide Wes, you cock goblin!

Ooohhhhh now I see how this shit head has manipulated his way into the NBA, he gives good hugs! Get fisted World Wide Wes!

Alright, well that’s all I got.  I’m gonna go watch “A Fish Called Wanda” now.  Of course, I leave you with a haiku……

Gonna kill a cow?
You gotta make a burger…
Evil dishwasher.

One Love!

SELAH

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