Hey pimps/pimpettes. “I have seen a lot of porno in my life, so trust me when I say…next time try sitting indian style when you masturbate.” How is everyone? I am fantastic! The new job is going good and I really like my new afternoon shift. It kind of reminds me of being unemployed again, minus the days I went without showering/shaving and actually getting a paycheck. Plus, it gives me so much extra room for activities!
One of my new favorite things to do is go late night grocery shopping. You see most of the Giant Eagle’s around here are open 24 hours. So I will pick a strange time to go, say 1:30 in the morning. The first time I went I thought to myself “it is 1:30 in the morning, there won’t be anybody there. I’ll be able to get in and get out and not have to deal with long lines or anything.” Well I was dead wrong. That place was packed, and it was quite a motley crew to say the least. I swear I saw a couple of convicts who broke out of the pen just to go shopping at Giant Eagle. People were buying weird stuff too, like those giant wheels of cheese and guacemole paste. I am a big fan of green apples, so I spent about 20 minutes in the produce section going through the apples. I stood there inspecting all of the apples saying “How bout them apples? How bout them apples? How bout them apples?” Haha. Late night shopping is a lot of fun, I suggest you all give it a try sometime.
I also love watching late night tv. There is this show that I have grown quite fond of called “The Real L Word”. It’s a reality tv show on Showtime or something like that about 5 lesbians living in Los Angeles. It basically just follows them around and shows all of the stereotypical lesbian stuff they do. And by “stereotypical lesbian stuff”, I mean all of the stuff that teenage boys dream of. They are always making out and taking each others clothes off and all of these women are pretty attractive. The first time I watched it I felt like I was kept out of the loop from the rest of the world on the best tv show ever. These two lesbians started taking a shower together and they were showing EVERYTHING! Let’s just say they weren’t that concerned with their hygiene during this shower. I was shocked. You see, I used to live down the street from 3 lesbians that live together, and they were nothing like the women on this show. The one looked like John Madden, one of them was always wearing a cut off jean jacket, and the other one had a EOTM style beard. Needless to say I was shocked when I saw The Real L Word for the first time, it totally shook the foundation of my existence.
Keep up the good work Showtime! I can’t wait for your new show, The Real B Word, which follows bums living in alleys and under bridges in Cleveland. Should be some good stuff.
And now it’s time for your installment of “IS IT ILLEGAL?!?!?!” Is it illegal to have an adult beverage than take your dog for a walk? No…no that is not illegal. Is it illegal to take your dog on a leash to a bar, then get so completely hammered to the point where you can’t even stand, then sit on the curb of the establishment you and your dog were at yelling obscenities at passerby’s. Yes….that is illegal. Don’t do that.
Alright well I gotta go eat some lunch and watch all of The Real L Word episodes I have DVR’ed. I’ll talk to you all soon. A haiku…..
How bout them apples?
Real L Word best show ever
I love lip-synching!