Yo! What’s good?!?! Not the title of today’s post, thats for sure! So as far as the entertainment business is concerned these days, I hate it. I think it sucks. TV, music, movies, books……(not books, no one reads those anymore), 90% of it is all lame these days. Every other tv show is a reality show about young people banging each other which is cool for about 5 minutes. Every song sounds the same or is mediocre and is just produced by some famous persons kid or some Lady Gaga-esqe freak. Every once in a while a good movie will come along, but now a days its all remakes and movies about comic book heroes. AND….the fact that ANOTHER stupid ass Harry Potter movie is coming out this week drives me up the fucking wall! I turned the news on the other day and after the story about boners, I had to watch footage of 12 year old douchebags who have been camping outside of a movie theatre dressed up like that little shit head Harry Potter for the last 10 days. Unbelievable! Those kids probably smell like hogwarts right now! I saw one and a half Harry Potter movies in my life. The first one was the actual first movie, I forget what that stupid shit was called, but I walked out halway through in lieu of slitting my wrists in the theater. The other movie I saw was called “Harry Twatter and the Sorcerer’s Bone”……that was a piece of cinematic mastery! Two thumbs up all the way!
Anyway I’m getting sidetracked…..what I’m trying to say is that we need people to start making good entertainment! I want someone to go out on a limb and dare to make something that no one else would ever dream of. I want someone to reach into my own personal history…someone to recreate my greatest childhood memories and put them up on the silver screen. I want someone to be my hero! That’s why I shit my pants when I saw this trailer for “Doug: The Movie” today.
Brilliant! That whole show was a coming of age story about a white kid who had blue friends, green bullies, a dog named Porkchop, and a hottie named after 27% of American’s favorite condiment! Who wouldn’t go see that in theaters?!?! Plus, you could have The Beets do the whole soundtrack for the movie! SPIELBERG!!! GET ON THIS SHIT NOW!!! COME ON MAN I NEED THIS MOVIE TO BE MADE!!! I want to mention how awesome I think the name Patty Mayonaise is. I want to create a an alter ego named Johnny Ketchup or Tommy Mustard just because I never realized how cool it would be to have a hot dog topping as a last name.
I know everybody loved Mario Bros. back in the day….a person just like me also has a dream that that too can be made into a blockbuster! And that piece of shit they made in 1993 doesn’t count either. Whoever thought a retarded mexican like John Leguizamo could play an italian plumber with an inferiority complex to his brother can rot in hell for all I care!
That is what’s wrong with the entertainment industry today! This is how Mario Bros should have been made!
And the award for best picture 2011………there you have it folks! Such raw emotion, such human drama! It would be perfect! And we wouldn’t have to worry about some entertainment fat cat casting this guy as the next Mario…
Let’s go EOTM supporters, make this happen! Alright I gotta go brush my teeth! Eating beef jerkey all day while washing it down with week old milk is not a good recipe for being the next Orbit gum spokesperson. A haiku….
HEY POTTER, YOU SUCK!
Need me some “Killer Tofu”!