Day 317: “Just to be clear I am not condoning eating your kids…but I sure as heck know why giraffe’s do it!”

What up suckas?  I hope you had a good weekend.  This time of year is really a grind for most people.  The holidays are over, everyone has to come back down to earth, and everyone has to deal with the shitty weather and terrible driving.  This time of year really makes or breaks a lot of people especially myself.  But you just got keep telling yourself that March is only a couple of months away.  Unless of course that dickhead groundhog sees his shadow or doesn’t see his shadow…..I don’t know how it f-ing works.  I am convinced that Groundhog day was created by a guy who was deciding on whether or not to go postal on his co-workers and he was so high on crystal meth that he decided to let his fate be decided by a groundhog that he ran over with his F-150.  That thing was totally dead but he still had a shadow, and I think we all know what happened after that.  A little thing I like to call the American Civil War…..

Boom.

Anyway, I wamted to post today to ask all of you guys a question.  Ok, here’s the deal.  I have been going to the gym with my roommate who has unlimited free guest passes for the past several days.  It’s nice too because we go really early in the morning, like at 5 am which is nice because you can get your workout out of the way for the rest of the day and it really wakes you up for your work day/sitting on the couch.  The gym we go to is pretty nice.  There are a ton of different machines so you don’t ever have to wait for anything.  It’s really nice for me because I am training for a half marathon in May so I can always find a treadmill right away.  This place went one step better though, they have two individual rooms for people who want to run/do the eliptical machines/ride stationary bikes.  The rooms are dark which is sweet and relaxing until you try to push the buttons to start the treadmill and have to squint and you look like a 95 year old person trying to dial the telephone with your face 2 and a half inches from the phone.  
Anyway each room has a giant projection screen television that shows something different.  The one room always has ESPN on and the other room always shows a different movie every day.  Well this morning I was making my way into the ESPN dark room when I noticed that the movie “Charlie St. Cloud” was playing in the movie dark room. 

 That movie is a total chick flick and I think Zac Efron is a pedophile pulling off the greatest con in the history of the world.  I don’t give two shits about that movie!  IMDB gave it 1.7 out of 10 stars and one critic said that he would rather “make love to a moving blender” then watch that movie.  The only good thing about that movie is the lead actress who I have a huge crush on.  Her name is Amanda Crew and I love her!

Amanda Crew = insta-boner

Before I continue I just want to say I think Ms. Crew is beautiful and this is going to sound really weird but I think she has the prettiest mouth in Hollywood and I don’t mean that in like a Deliverance “you have a purrdy mouth” way.  There is just something about the way she looks when she talks and how she smiles that drives me crazy.  Ms. Crew, if you are reading this please don’t think I am crazy….and feel free to invite me over to your place for sex.

So anyway here was my dilemma….do I run on the treadmill in the ESPN room with all of the other dudes, or do I run in front of a 20 foot tall Amanda Crew???  I’ll tell you what I did.  I walked into the Charlie St. Cloud room and started stretching.  The room was full of young women who were all power walking while watching the movie.  I shit you not there was not one man in that room, except for me on the side pretending to stretch while I’m watching gigantic Amanda Crew shine on the stage while that shitbag Zac Efron is trying to steal her thunder.  Every chick in there was giving me the dirtiest look like I wasn’t supposed to be in there, but fuck them!  It’s not everyday you get a chance to work out in front of your crush!  I picked out my treadmill and was waiting to make my move when another young female walked in and took it.  At that point I was screwed.  I instead would have had to run in the middle of a pack of ladies drooling over Zac Efron and I swear to God I was thinking about doing it!  Instead I pretended to stretch my hamstrings for like 5 more minutes that wussed out and went into the ESPN room.  I was so dead set on watching my girl and then I totally shat the bed.  I guess I just thought that all of those women would have thought I was gay and would have asked me to go shopping with them or for relationship advice.  I don’t know, I completely lost it and I have been pretty pissed at myself all day long.  That’s why I want to ask you if it would have been gay if I would have stayed and watched Charlie St. Cloud while I ran….
There is supposed to be a poll above but it’s being dumb so I don’t know if you can see it or not.  That’s all I got for today.  You all come back now ya year.  A haiku….
 
Boners on treadmills,
Not good while around women.
WHY DID I WUSS OUT?!?!?!
 
One Love!
SELAH
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