Day 354: “Besides getting shot in the back of the head, do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school…and I’m not making that up.”

Yo!  What is up?!?!?!  I got a good post lined up today, let’s get this shit wet.  First off, I wanna wish Abraham Lincoln a happy belated birthday as you can tell by the title of the post.  “Honest Abe’s” birthday was this past Saturday on February 12th, and although I never personally met him, I happen to be very fond of former President Lincoln.  From everything I have learned, we were very much one in the same.  We are both tall.  We are both proud Americans.  We both prefer to use vinegar as deodrant.  We both like our women like our coffee…with no pubic hair.  The fact is that Abraham Lincoln was a revolutionary president who changed the face of this country forever.  Unfortunately his life was cut short when, contrary to the history books, John Wilkes Booth hammered him in the butt soo much, he died. 

Happy belated 738th birthday Mr. Lincoln. Today, we salute you!

Moving on!  So yesterday one of the most popular game shows in the world decided to spice things up a bit when they brought back the two most successful players in history to play a mega computer.  That’s right, Jeopardy made history yesterday pitting 74 game winner Ken Jennings and the highest financial winner in history, Al Borlan Jr. (that’s not really his name but forgot it, I know it’s not Ken Jennings, and the dude kind of looks like Al Borlan), against a $30 million dollar super computer that has been developed by IBM for the past 5 years.  I’ve watched it the past two nights and I must say, it…is….horse shit. 

Here is a picture of all the parties involved in this game show history. You can see Alex Trebek holding up one finger referring to how many things in this picture that have had sex with a female. Mr. Trebek has pounded so much V it makes Charlie Sheen look like a prude.

So this computer, which is named Watson for some dumb ass reason I don’t know of, is ridiculous.  It’s like Google on steroids.  It’s fast, knows every answer, and is scaring the hell out of me.  I’ve seen “I Robot” and “The Matrix”, I know what this means for the rest of human kind.  You can see the frustration on the human contestants faces as this computer constantly buzzes in before they do and says the answer in that retarded robot voice.  Yesterday, it repeated a wrong answer that Ken Jennings already said and the color of “Watson’s” icon changed to yellow.  I laughed out loud and kept calling it a dummy, and then I got scarred thinking it was going to vaporize all of the humans in the audience with it’s death ray because it got an answer wrong.  Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is the show is really stupid.  The computer is dominate against it’s human counterparts and rightfully so.  But like I said before, it’s like watching Alex Trebek use Google.  Seriously, that is exactly what it’s like.  But instead of Alex looking up porno stuff like 95% of the world, he is looking up stupid shit about former European Kings, Before and After, and Literary Characters.  F@$% that noise.  It would be a lot more interesting if Mr. Trebek Googled while he was drunk, just like back in the 70’s…

On tomorrow’s episode, I hear they are gonna have a “Blogs” category.  I wanna see R2D2 get this one right…

"Answer: Started in July of 2009, this blog features Tuesdays with Tuleys, haikus, boner jokes, and the best 'Where are they now' segments on the internet". BOOM!

And last but CERTAINLY not least, I wanna give an epic shout out to my 1,000,000 blog subscriber.  That’s right txagman_2000, you are my one millionth fan and I want to thank you!  You are at the top of a list that includes Lady Gaga, some guy from Vietnam, and Colon Lou (the guy who hooks me up with discount colonoscopy’s).  This is a big milestone for the blog and you burst right through it!  I want you to know I have always been a big fan of College Station and the 12th man….too bad about that bonfire thing though, that sounded like it was a good time.  In honor of your historic subscription to the blog, I am dedicating today’s haiku to you.

College Station pimp,
Dude loves the unemployed blog.
One Love to Aggies!

 One Love….World!

SELAH

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Day 354: “Besides getting shot in the back of the head, do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school…and I’m not making that up.”

  1. Tex

    *sniff*sniff*

    I’d like to thank my laziness, hours of Netflix streaming and my anti-social behavior for helping me achieve this lofty accomplishment. And where would I be if not for my hyper-opinionated nature that encouraged me to register simply to put the author in his place with regarding an evidently substandard knowledge of farming implements. Thank you … thank you, you like me, right now, you like me!

    In appreciation for this honor I would like to present you with this new farm implement to ponder: http://www.gizmowatch.com/entry/world-s-fastest-tractor-does-over-85-kmh/

    Gig ’em!

    P.S. I’m considered an ‘old ag’ now because I was around for Bonfire. I was there when it collapsed, and lost a friend. I think it’s unfortunate that they killed off the tradition completely because it was indeed quite an event. It was da bomb (I’m bringing that phrase back). For fuck sake it was a gi’normous jet fueled fire that was taller than most buildings in town that would burn for days … what’s not to love?

  2. fan

    we want more blogs.

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