Day 375: “I don’t pay hookers for sex…I pay them to leave.” – Charlie Sheen

Todays post is brought to you by bat-shit crazy celebrities, and the letter "G".

What up chums? How goes it?  I am sorry I haven’t blogged in a while but I have been really really busy trying to find a job.  I have had a bunch of interviews and have been running around like a mad man (Charlie Sheen).  I have been trying a new interviewing technique where I put the position and company I am applying with in my resume like I am already working there and have been for 3 years.  I think it shows the employer that I am confident in my abilities.  I have yet to get a job but I have a good feeling that my new resume style will pay off big time reeeaaaallll soon!  I suggest all of you guys try it.

Bingo.

So I wanted to get a post in before I hit the road next week.  That’s right, the Employee of the Month is going on a U.S. tour that kicks off next week.  147 cities, 6 months, raping churches, burning women.  I found a part-time/under the table gig that requires me to travel to a bunch of cities all over the country until the end of November.  I won’t get into specifics of the job (dealing drugs) but it is a temporary job until I find something full time and with benefits.  I am really excited about starting though.  My first destination is Phoenix, AZ!!!

Phoenix, AZ!

I love going on road trips, especially to places I have never been before.  I am also a huge dweeb (bringing this word back) and like to research the places I am giong to.  So of course I hit up my local library (wikipedia) the other day and did my homework.  I found out that Phoenix was founded in 1488 by this guy…

Founder of Phoenix, AZ

The city of Phoenix became famous in 1601 when the burrito was invented there.  It also struck gold again in 1602 when the first port-o-potty and the first air freshner were also invented.  Some famous people who call Phoenix, AZ home include Kris Kross,

One of my first cd's ever..."I'm the backwards man, the backwards man! I can walk backwards fast as you can!"

Carrot Top…

What the fuck???

And last but not least, this guy who invented the Shake Weight!

Just 15 minutes a day jerking off a plastic dumbell will get you in the best shape of your life!!!

When a lot of people think of Phoenix, they think of Tovrea Castle.  However a lot of people do not know that Phoenix is also home to the world’s largest ball of pubic hair pulled out of a shower drain…

Located just off Interstate 10!

Anyway, I just wanted to tell all of you guys I will be taking my laptop with me and will be documenting my journeys across this beautiful country.  If any of you guys will be in the Phoenix area next week, feel free to leave me a message which I won’t respond to because I don’t want to go to Arizona to get raped in my B-hole and then have my head chopped off.  But if you do live in the area and recommend any places for me to check out while I am there I would greatly appreciate it.  The same goes for you spammers who still can’t speak good English.  “You want leave message Phoenix balls while laughing.”  That’s more your speak huh? 

Alright well I gotta go and get ready for my interview tomorrow and then for my trip out west next week.  I leave you with a haiku which I am dedicating to the lunatic shell of Rick Vaughn aka Charlie Sheen.  Let me just say that the words that have been coming out of that mans mouth have been gold and I cannot wait to see where Mr. Sheen is in 6 months if he isn’t dead yet.  Keep it up my man!

He’s bat shit crazy,
but he’s also bi-winning.
God Bless you Chuck Sheen!

One Love!

SELAH

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “Day 375: “I don’t pay hookers for sex…I pay them to leave.” – Charlie Sheen

  1. Charlie sheen stole that quote from cary grant

  2. ferdads

    whoa phoenix founded in 1488? lol more 1861 never trust wikipedia

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s