“WE’RE ALL SOMEONES DAUGHTER!!!!!! WE’RE ALL SOMEONES SONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!” What up wanksters?!?! It’s your boy coming to you live from Cincinnati, OH. That’s right, my first ever post from Cinci-nasty. If you recall, I mentioned I got a job down here and I have spent the last several weeks making the transition from Cleveland. Actuallly, that is all a lie. I actually became homeless from being out of a job pretty much for the last 2 years so I decided to move to a warmer climate that was somewhat close to home. Haha, I keed, I really did get a job down here. Everything is going well with the new job and I am finally settled in to my apartment. I have all of my imaginary furniture right where I want it and I must say the funk-chewy is phenomenal in here! See for yourself!
It’s not really that bad, my roommate will be moving in next week sometime and he has a bunch of furniture so my place won’t look like Osama Bin Laden’s compound for too much longer. Speaking of which, HOW AWESOME IS THAT SHIT!!!! I must say I have been absolutely enthralled with all of the coverage of his assassination since it happened. I mean, the story about the commandos flying in in the middle of a full moon night and clearing that house and popping that prick in the head twice and then having to blow up their own helicopter so those Pakistani’s didn’t get it. Listening to this is like hearing the trailer for the greatest action movie in the history of mankind. I’m picturing Bruce Willis in Die Hard, Sylvestor Stallone in Rambo, Arnold in the Terminator 2, Matt Damon in the Bourne movies, Hulk Hogan, and any other bad ass motherfucker in the history of mankind to make up the cast for this potential movie. Like if Hollywood could have a Jesus Christ baby that they created for all of mankind and who would die for their sins and live on in the hearts and minds of everyone for ever and ever, then the movie about Osama Bin Laden’s death would have to be that Jesus Christ movie. I pray that they make that movie and that they don’t fuck it up which would be hard to do. This event was so action packed, stealthy, and awesome and it stirred up emotions, good and/or bad, in every single American that they cannot half ass this! Like they need to get Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Quintin Tarantino, and Robert Rodriguez need to get together, get all liquored up on scotch and fine wines, have a big sex picnic and give birth to this movie. It needs to be epic, just like the true events that inspired it…….make this happen Hollywood, and don’t let us down!
And I want to give mad props to Barack Obama and the entire U.S. military. Those guys are the freaking tits right now and with the death of Bin Laden, I think Obama pretty much locked up his 2nd term as president. Anyway, he really is on top of the world now. Last week at this time, the only stories in the news was the royal wedding and Donald Trump calling Obama out on his birth certificate. People all over the world were like “Oh Barack Obama didn’t get invited to that dumb ass royal wedding” and “he won’t be able to go to the reception and eat hard boiled quail eggs and medium rare blood sausage and figgy pudding.” Then there were other people who were like “Ohhh Obama wasn’t born here! He was born in that polynesian country of Hawaii and needs to be deported!” Then he drops this Bin Laden spot on us and just gives a big middle finger to the whole world. I’m sure right after he left the podium he cracked open a Old English 40 and banged the hell out of Michelle Obama…..without a rubber!
Ohhhh boy…..that’s awesome. Alright well I’m gonna get going. The Kentucky Derby is on in a little bit and I wanna get dressed up in my home made jockey uniform and get sour on some Mint Julips, or just pound some Kentucky bourbon. If any of my fans in the Cincinnati area want to meet up while I am living down here, don’t email me because I don’t hang out with psychos. I leave you with a haiku….
In the ‘Natty’ now.
Gonna get this town pregnant,
In my jockey clothes.