Day 220: TUESDAY WITH TULEY! MAILBAG EDITION!

".....and on the second day...God said 'LET THEIR BE TULEY!!!!"

In order to keep up with the billions of emails the EOTM blog receives every week, we have to answer them every once in a while.  Let’s see what some of our viewers had to say this time!

Tuley, did you see what Kanye West did to Taylor Swift during the MTV Awards on Sunday night? – Sarah – Desmond, California

Tuley: I didn’t see it live, Sarah, but I did see it the next morning on Good Morning America. I thought it was quite immature and attention grabbing but they say Kanye was sippin the Hennessy and it was somewhat alcohol driven. I’ve done some things I regret too while a little intoxicated…..like when Pizza Hut was having a promotion where they were selling Medium 2-toppings for five bucks. I called during a drunken college football Saturday and asked them to bring me 20 of them. The worst part is….I only ordered one topping. Could’ve gotten a second at no additional charge.

Hey Guys, does the blog have a “Team Shop” or another type of Merchandise sales outlet where we can buy a Fathead of the Employee of the Month?  Heidi & Karissa – Laguna Beach, California

Tuley: No but send me a picture of you girls and maybe we could work something out.

B-MOC: Sorry ladies, there is no team shop as of yet, but one is in the works.  A few of the items that will definitely be on the site are a EOTM beard/mustache costume kit, heart/teddy bear wall paper, “Caress me Deadly” his and her underwear, and an at-home swine flu vaccination kit.  Keep checking in for new items!

Tuley, how did your fantasy football teams do in their first week? – Colin – East Lansing, Michigan

Tuley: Fricken great, Colin. Why don’t you go shoot a couple tequila’s and try driving home? Why are you even worried about my fantasy teams anyway? Get a life, Colin. You are a worthless individual who does nothing of value.

Dear EOTM, do you think it’s weird that there is an “s” in the word “lisp”?

B-MOC: Absolutely…and whoever came up with that is this week’s recipient of the Trojan Condoms Boner of the Week Award.  Congrats whoever you are!

Hey Tuley and the Employee of the Month, what did you think of Brady Quinn in his first start as “The Man” in Cleveland? – Clyde – Diamond Coral Mesa Springs, Jerusalem

Tuley: Well, Clyde, I think his arms looked spectacular, his hair was flowing like a buttefly floats through the summer air, and his calves looked like they were sculpted by Mike Angelo, the guy who painted the Sistine Chapel. He lived up to the hype.

B-MOC: Personally, I am sick and tired of everyone druling over Brady Quinn.  HELLO!!!  Does no one even see Phil Dawson out there on the field?!?!?!

“Wanna feel the force of a 120 mph football kicked into your groin?” – Phil Dawson. LAUGHING OUT LOUDLY!

Hey B-MOC, with the recent, tragic passing of Patrick Swayze, what would you consider to be his all time best role? – Ian – Colorado Springs, Colorado

B-MOC:  Well first off I would like to extend my thoughts and prayers to the Swayze family.  He was a great American and will be missed.  But to answer your question, I would have to say his best role ever was when he played Lt. Gabriel Cash in the 1989 classic “Tango and Cash”.  That is a great movie, an instant classic!

……….Well according to Tuley and this movie poster…….Patrick Swayze wasn’t in that movie, it was Kurt Russell………I guess I don’t know who Patrick Swayze was or saw any of his movies……..my bad.  I feel like an ass.  Kurt Russell didn’t die though did he???

Dear Tuley, how many friends do you have? Whatever the number is, subtract one. – Brian W – Berea/Lakewood, Ohio

Tuley: What’s a million minus one you jerk?!! 900,000. I have 900,000 friends. Jerk.

Tuley, did you ever have to break up with a girl? How did that go?

Seamore – Armante Xwildruprtpoy, Clicko

Tuley: I once broke up with my 5th grade love Dana Hand. I wanted to stay together for the kid but ultimately, I had to tell her to go fist herself. As a fifth grader, you’re a man with needs you know? She was more interested in playing tetherball or hopscotch than with fulfilling those needs. Actually, I think it was more a case of my crush on new student Maria Bing Lang Awa. That part is actually true. My dad then told me that Maria looked like a boy. I am not gay so that was all it took for me to move my focus onto that of one Carla Summers, or something like that. She was in my PSR class in like 6th grade and looked like a Spice Girl. I wanted to be her lover so I had to get with her friends.

Hey guys, what was your favorite game to play at birthday parties as a youngster? – Thomas – Toronto, Ontario

Tuley: Full Contact Musical Chairs, hands down. I’ve never lost actually. This game is where it’s at if you want your kid to be a winner and not a loser like those kids who play Duck, Duck Goose. Here’s what you do: Get your kid and his little friends together (age range is usually between 5 and 50) and provide them each with one weapon of choice. Some popular ones are a butterknife, a roman candle, bleach, bow and arrow, taser, matches, boiling water, and a rusty nail. Once each child has a weapon, you play some real routy music….something with some energy, maybe some Slayer or Mushroomhead or something. Then when you stop the music each child must find a seat. The kid who doesn’t get one because he’s got ADD and forgot to use his weapon is usually first out. This kid sucks so don’t ever invite him over again. The winner is the last one standing. He gets all the other kids weapons and then you play hide and seek. Another great game is Red Rover. With fishwire instead of the holding hands thing.

B-MOC: None of them and here’s why.  When I was 11 I was forced to  Roshambo at a Bar-Mitvah.  I lost, end of story.

Mazel tov my ass!

A sick dude that I work with contributed to this Q and A session. Good night and God bless!